


Healing Below Zero

by Elle_est_vivant



Series: Ice King/Goatfather/Llamadad AU [1]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF, MindCrack RPF
Genre: Actually we all know that he's the Ice Queen, Etho the Ice King, Goatfather and Tucker, Llamadad, M/M, Magick!, Matilda:(, i want to put trigger warnings but it's going to spoil it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 39,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle_est_vivant/pseuds/Elle_est_vivant
Summary: Etho. Or rather, the powerful Ice King, whom everyone heard in tales and stories, but never met. Supposed to be cold and distant, it was a surprise even to himself that he would let someone into his life.Beef. Or rather, the ordinary resort manager, somehow had to flee his comfortable life and take on a life of a refuge. Like the resort's sunlights, his presence shatters ice.They met.
Relationships: Etho&Stressmonster101, Etho/Daniel M. | VintageBeef, VintageBeef&Matilda
Series: Ice King/Goatfather/Llamadad AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109666
Comments: 127
Kudos: 294





	1. Prologue

In the center of Hermitmania floats an island. On the island stood a sculpture, a cream-coloured llama, looking down at the entire shopping district, its expression never changed. Its creator, a feared and respected figure, once an ordinary resort manager, no one knows what gave him his powers, no one knows why he became who he is, no one knows.

Hundreds of thousands of blocks away stood a palace. An ice one, to be exact, the cold yet clear blue ice walls separate it from the outside world, a single tower can be seen from the outside, so tall it looks like it has certainly broken the build limit. Everything else was concealed within the walls, including the one that lived there, and no one had, have, and will ever attempt at finding out.

Near the Jobraltar stood a mansion, splitted in half, one half owned by an outgoing American explosives expert, decorated and cozy, but the other. The other was hollow, ominously empty and quiet, the only room that used to have signs of life in it faces a mountain, Mount Goatmore, its eyes made of emeralds and diamonds.

In the jungle hid a settlement, colourful, lively, vivid, sometimes a brown-haired lady could be seen traversing through the jungle, her appearance amiable and harmless, but concealed under that the power of the ex-Ice Queen, power beyond description, that she uses only to brew potions now.

The Llamadad, the Ice King, the Goatfather, the sorceress.

Half in the present, half left behind.

The story unfolds.


	2. Encounter

‘It’s Tugger. Not Tucker.’

‘You dared to attempt tricking the Goatfather, you should know the consequences yourself.’

‘Beef. I will make sure you pay.’

It’s almost like he could still hear those words. Goatfather’s low, menacing voice.

‘I will make sure you pay.’

Therefore he ran, leaving his comfortable life behind, his business that was going on great, his friends, his pet llama named Matilda, everything.

An enderchest filled with all his money, one set of backup armour, all his food, all his rockets, a bed. That’s all he took. He didn’t know where he’s going, the only direction was away, and now, as he sat on top of a giant spruce tens of thousands of blocks away, his elytra almost broken, his body trembling from the colder and colder weather, he started question all his choices.

Is it worth it?

There’s no way back now. Beef sighed. The Goatfather probably figured out that he escaped, he probably burnt down his house and resort, and Beef could only pray that he didn’t hurt Matilda.

So brand new start in a new place or brand new start in a place where the Goatfather lives and might still hasn’t forgiven him.

He sighed again, taking off from the top of the tree, resuming his way north, away from the desert beach he knew and loved.

And all seemed to be not going terribly, that is, until his elytra broke midair, and he fell, screaming helplessly, a long way down.

Then he didn’t know.

Then he woke up, but not falling anymore.

Not really in danger anymore. He was in a bed, all clean and tidy, could even be considered fancy, making a great contrast with his clothes, ragged and dirty at this point.

Beef looked around. He was in a room with stone brick walls, looking quite antique and old but well kept with not a single crack, the floor is made out of polished and clean dark oak, a fancy, icy-blue chandelier hanging from the ceiling, lighting up the place.

This surely isn’t a place one would just randomly fall into from the sky. He tried to get up and explore, but the immediate overwhelming pain from trying to move proved that it wasn’t a dream and he wasn’t dead. He involuntarily hissed, probably loudly, as someone outside his room clearly heard him.

‘Great you’re awake.’

Not a threatening or mean tone, but not welcoming and kind either, quite distant, but... quite attractive. Beef quickly shook the last thought off along with the sudden whiteout of his mind from the pain, opened his eyes, and saw a stranger walking towards his bed.

The stranger was in a washed out green vest worn over a long sleeved black turtleneck, a little bit too large on him as he seemed to be buried in the clothes. His silvery long hair are kept back with a hair band, and a scar ran across his face over his eyes, it seems like it’s from a long time ago and had already completely healed, but Beef could still sense the pain from just looking at it.

Before Beef could finish processing his physical appearance and existential appearance, the stranger was already by his bed, kneeling down to be at his height.

He looked quite powerful and, although not hostile, somehow reminding Beef of the Goatfather.

He was praying to God to not let him escape the Goatfather just to land in the hands of someone similar, but the stranger’s relatively friendly words calmed him down a bit.

‘Do you feel alright?’

He nodded, staring at the stranger kind of rudely but only because his mind still didn’t fully process everything through. The stranger has different coloured irises, he only just noticed. One gray with a hint of blue, the other blood red, making the fear in him that just ceased revive again.

‘Tha... thank you.’ Beef stammered after an awkward silence of him and the stranger both not knowing what to say, and the latter only smiled, almost unnoticeably, still distant, but al least genuine.

‘Not a problem. If you need anything just ask me, I’ll leave you to rest a bit more.’

And the stranger left as sudden and abrupt as he appeared. Beef’s brain was overwhelmed with information, as he sat there, getting used to the pain from falling from the sky, and processing all that just happened.

It took Beef a while to realise that he doesn’t even know the stranger’s name yet.

‘Ummm... excuse me?’ He carefully called, not too loudly but the stranger heard it just the same, as if he was sitting right by his door.

‘Everything alright?’ He opened the door and leaned on the doorframe, casual but that atmosphere of power just emits off of him.

‘Yeah, but, umm, I wonder how should I address you...?’

‘You don’t have to. There’s not another person in this entire castle, so the only person you could be possibly talking to is me.’

‘But...’

‘Well, yeah, it’s only fair that you know something about me and this place and what happened since you probably need to stay here for a while.’ The stranger seemed a little bit more amiable that a few moments ago for some reason, as he straightened up his posture, but still leaning casually on the doorframe, not terribly far from Beef as the room really wasn’t that big.

‘Welcome to Northern Hermitmania. I’m the Ice King, you’re at my palace, I found you wounded badly in a forest and brought you back. And also you might want to stay here until you’re at least physically all well.’

Oh the Ice King. _The_ Ice King. The one that Beef thought was only a legend and not actually existent. The one which, in the legend at least, is even more powerful than the Goatfather. Beef suddenly felt even more timid as he realises whom he is seeing before him.

‘Thank you for saving me... Your Majesty......?’

‘Oh god please... fine if you have to address me in your speeches, I’m Etho.’ The stranger’s, or rather, Etho’s facial expression showed some cringe to the overly formal address, but suppressed laughs clearly overpowers whatever cringe there was, as the corner of his lips tilt up ever so slightly, making him look almost easy going for a second.

Maybe he’s more friendly that I thought, thought Beef.

‘Thank you Etho.’ He smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3

The sunrise in the boreal plains is beautiful, but Beef didn’t see it. He slept all the way to near midday. The heavy curtains were shut when he woke up, and he tried to get off the bed to open them. Surprisingly it already hurts way less than the day before, and as he pulled on the dark blue velvet fabric, the bright, blinding lights were revealed, making him squint a bit.

He lived in a tropical resort, and he was more than used to bright sunlights, but the slightly sharper, cooler rays of the north was setting him off a bit. He rubbed his eyes, getting used to this new place, when he heard someone knocking his door.

‘You up?’ Needless to say it’s Etho.

Beef walked over to open the door, not surprised to see Etho standing there, but not expecting the giant box he’s holding that almost blocks himself from being visible.

‘Yup. What’s this?’ He watched Etho walking right past them and dropping the box on the floor, a little bit confused.

‘All your things. Or at least all your things that I could find. I had to go through them since they were scattered everywhere when I found them, hope you don’t mind.’ He paused for a second, looking at Beef who stood there with confusion still on his face, ‘and also it’s concerning how you brought no clean clothes or anything like that on a seemingly quite long trip.’

Oh the stuff. Beef didn’t expect the Ice King to bother to find his stuff and organise it, but it’s not like he expected him to be as nice as he seem. He thanked him, but the latter doesn’t seem to be leaving just yet.

‘Not a problem. Oh and also I made breakfast. Downstairs.’

Etho turned around and left, as Beef stared at his direction, his silvery hair, slender silhouette, and, if not mistaken, a faint blush on his rather pale skin. 

The idea of the Ice King being so nice and doing things for him is hard to get used to, especially when the last powerful figure Beef had encountered is still trying to murder him. Regardless, he still washed up, trying to straighten up his clothes with little use, and went downstairs, assuming that Etho’s waiting for him out of politeness and not wanting him to wait too long.

To his surprise he wasn’t. There was indeed breakfast though, nice smoked salmon sliced and served on an icy white porcelain plate, and some bread to go with it. The dining hall is spectacular, with those icicle like chandeliers, high ceilings and polished floor, but empty, without another person’s presence.

It’s hard to have breakfast in this literally cold solitude, not for this talkative Beef from the tropics. He finished breakfast hurriedly, the food was great but he didn’t spend time enjoying it, and wandered around the huge castle, part of him wanting to find anyone, even Etho, as the loneliness from the long journey and the breakfast in solitude is starting to get to him.

He wasn’t really looking, as he made a turn at the corner of a corridor, and felt a collision with a living object that is a size smaller than him and yelped at the crash. 

‘Etho? I’m sorry I wasn’t looking... you alright?’ 

‘Yeah, no worries, I’m good. By the way I got you clean clothes... I mean, they’re mine, but they’re clean... and hopefully not too small.’ Etho rubbed his forehead, as he extended his other hand out, motioning a catch, and a stack of neatly folded clothing flew right into his hands out of nowhere.

Beef watched with his jaw wide open. 

‘What...? Oh yeah I sort of expected you to assume, but yes I possess magic.’ Etho handed Beef the stack, his eyes darting around, avoiding Beef.

This is hard. Etho sighed as he sat in his room, his fingers subconsciously running through his hair. 

He was always nice but distant to everyone, and it worked, it worked really well, no one disliked him and no one tried to approach him. But this new stranger into his life... Beef... him. He brought him back simply because his good nature couldn’t allow him to see anyone just die, he treated him like he’d treat anyone, nice but not engaging, and Beef’s reaction is indeed what he would expect.

But something was not right. 

Although Etho knows he would freak out if someone actually approaches him as he really wouldn’t know how to react, he almost was disappointed in Beef not being interested. 

Beef. This person that somehow has the power to make the most powerful person alive lose his composure. 

It won’t be long, he’ll be off soon, I owe him nothing, he owes me nothing. 

Just when Etho thought he figured it out, he heard Beef knocking his door.

Beef could stay in his room. He could wander out and explore the surroundings. He could pack up, leave and continue his journey. But would here be the safest place of all? Clearly the Ice King is not against him, maybe he’s even on his side, and maybe the Goatfather would leave him alone if he knew that he’s under the Ice King’s protection. 

But, in any situation, he decided it’s still the best to ask Etho first, as... why would the Ice King keep a basically worthless refuge in his house. To save his life, sure, but to let him live in his place for the foreseeable future, that’s another thing.

Therefore he went onto a search for Etho again, in the huge castle without a clear direction. Luckily, he wandered off in the right way, as he soon reached a door more ornate and tall than any other doors in this castle at the end of a hallway. He knocked on it, not actually expecting to find him this easily, but Etho answered almost immediately.

Woah. Etho already knew that this person looks objectively nice, but he underestimated how nice, when Beef appeared in some surprisingly fitting clean clothes, their bagginess on himself gone, replaced with the faint lines of muscles Beef’s got. 

Beef himself didn’t seem to be aware of his body build and Etho’s slightly surprised face. 

‘Ummm, if it’s possible, may I... stay here for for a little bit longer?’

Etho was not recovered from the surprise, but Beef took his lack of reactions as a negative.

‘Please. There are people after my life right now and I don’t know any other people except for you who can protect me.’ 

‘......Of course, it won’t be a problem at all... but could you expand on the ‘people after your life’ part?’

‘Oh it’s a long story. Do you know the Goatfather?’ Beef walked into the room and sat down right next to Etho on the little couch in his bedroom, as if the revered and feared Ice King is his childhood friend since three. 

Being close to people, physically or mentally, comes natural to Beef, and he didn’t realise that this isn’t for everyone until Etho shuffled ever so slightly away from him. His immediate reaction was to move farther and apologise, but Etho spoke before he did.

‘No I don’t. But go on.’

‘You have time for it?’

‘I have the entire day and more.’ Etho leaned back in the couch, relaxing a little bit, surprising even himself.

If it happened, then I might as well see how it would go. He inwardly sighed of relief as Beef started talking, and listened to the tale of the intruder to his life.


	4. Cod

‘...So you never found his dolphin.’

‘Ehhh... yeah. I mean, come on, it was a joke...’ Beef knew that he’s not on logic’s side right now, as he uselessly tried to defend himself.

‘So you tricked who seems to clearly be the superpower in your area on purpose and lost basically everything because of it and almost died a million blocks away.’ Etho’s expression was the definition of ‘I feel so very sorry for you but I want to laugh’.

‘I guess you can also sum it up like that... yeah.’ Beef’s expression deflated, as Etho chuckled, having unknowingly moved closer to Beef.

‘Don’t worry I’ve got you.’

‘Thank you.’ Beef suddenly sounded really serious. ‘No, really, thank you so much. I would be dead if you didn’t find me and I would be lost if you didn’t agree to keep me...’

Etho shrugged. ‘Not a problem. It’s nice that you’re here anyways, so seriously, not a problem at all...’ 

‘Etho?’ 

‘Yeah?’

‘You were giggling.’

Beef’s observation made Etho’s cheeks redden quite a bit. Is it simply being embarrassed of not being able to keep the distantly polite persona a king should have? Or someone pointing that out? Or... how physically close Beef is to him... and how he is the one he’s talking to...?

He tried to act calm and not know what Beef was talking about.

‘Was I?’

‘Yeah. And I never expected in my life to see the Ice King giggle.’

‘It’s chuckling not giggling.... were you expecting to see the Ice King in the first place though?’ Etho raised an eyebrow, and now Beef is on the flustered side, stammering a bit, probably remembering how him being a derp was the reason behind him meeting Etho.

‘N...no. But... you know... we’ve all heard of you, back where I’m from, so...’

‘Oh so I’m famous.’

‘Did you not know?’ The flustered expression on Beef’s face was completely overtaken by surprise now. ‘Of course we’ve heard tales of a magical king living in the far north and eating salmon for breakfast.’

‘...so you guys also know that I eat salmon for breakfast...?’

‘Oh no I added that part.’

‘Great. Because on most days I actually eat cod.’ 

Talking about cod.

‘Etho-‘ Beef appeared out of nowhere at the kitchen door. ‘What’s for dinner?’

‘Grilled cod.’ Etho didn’t even look up from the counter.

‘What’s for breakfast tomorrow?’

‘Grilled cod.’

‘Lunch?’

‘Some sort of cod.’

‘Etho seriously...’

‘Seriously cod. But I can make salmon if that’s what you want...’

‘So you eat fish for every single meal.’ Beef’s face has disbelief written all over.

‘...Yeah.’

‘...Isn’t it a great thing that I’m here.’

‘What?’ Etho finally looked up from the sizzling pan to Beef, and almost immediately regretted doing so, as Beef simply moved closer and ruffled his hair.

‘Come on, let your professional resort chef cook from now on.’

‘Hey my hair band... Beef!’

Etho was pretty sure that he was blushing, the strand of his long hair flipping down and tickling his skin didn’t help, and he was pretty sure this wasn’t the first time today that he was blushing.

And he was also pretty sure that Beef is the reason to why he was blushing.

‘What, your hairband is still on your head, I don’t see what’s wrong.’ Beef pulled him back to reality, and it took him a second to realise that Beef was still teasing him.

‘Beef......’ Etho tried to make himself sound authoritative in order to conceal his blush, but it didn’t work, as Beef only grinned at his attempt.

‘No that didn’t work, but here.’

Beef wasn’t that much taller than Etho, and Etho could see Beef’s eyes really clearly as the latter gently straightened up his hairband for him, his fingers pressed against his temple for a instant, tucking the stray hairs in. 

He lowered his eyes to avoid looking at Beef, subconsciously feeling that this would stop Beef from looking at him too, but again, that didn’t work as well.

‘No words of gratitude?’ Beef joked, while Etho was still surprised, shocked, and flustered, the last one being the majority of them.

‘...Thanks for solving a problem solely caused by you.’

‘Oh the overflowing sarcasm... but seriously Etho, you’re an interesting person.’

‘What?’ This is the second time that Beef had expressed this and Etho was still confused.

‘Like I said, I never expected you to be this friendly, kind, ummm... shy and cute.’

‘...I’m regretting being friendly with you already.’

Etho dodged the straight bullet of an attack of Beef describing him as ‘shy and cute’ with his usual distant facade, but it still hit him hard. Not hurting at all, just leaving a huge indescriptible effect.

It’s probably just his personality, Etho thought. He’s probably like this with everyone, maybe the people down south are just naturally closer to others.

But his mind couldn’t seem to ignore the effect, as he sat there and watched Beef chop down vegetables.

For so long he has been the leading figure, the Titan holding the northern lands up wouldn’t be an exaggeration, and he learnt to be independent, to do everything by himself, to do everything for other people, and he did well.

And he hasn’t been looked after by someone else for so long.

He subconsciously lifted his hand up and felt his hairband. Perfectly in place.


	5. Alberta

A few days passed with nothing noticeable in the castle. Etho was a bit surprised that this seemingly carefree and almost a little bit derpy man actually took his responsibility of cooking seriously, making himself and Etho all sorts of great delicacies every day.

This train of thought was stopped abruptly when he suddenly felt someone standing behind him, his hands pressed on his shoulders, while he was eating his pasta. His hand holding a fork froze in midair, ready to drop the cutlery down and defend himself with magic at any time out of his instinct, but when he realised that it was Beef, he relaxed back down, attempting to look at Beef by tilting his head backwards and looking up, but not really achieving anything.

'What?'

'Nothing.' 

He couldn't see Beef's face, but the smile dissolved in the latter's voice, that he could hear.

'So you're just randomly here jumpscaring me when I'm having my lunch.'

'Well I am checking on my customer to see whether he liked my pasta. And apparently yes he does.' Beef sat down on the barstool beside Etho after the long-haired man sat up straight, resuming his food.

'It's great.'

Etho had roughly learnt how to interact with this person that messes around with him since the second day they've met. Relax, be casual, no need for awkwardness for anything, it wasn't actually that hard even though it was very different from what he's used to. And surprisingly, he didn't feel uncomfortable or tense at all. It all seemed to come to him naturally, the ability to have a friend, or even a close friend, after years of basically isolation.

Again, he didn't hate it at all.

Am I actually preferring company over solitude now? 

The thought flashed across Etho's mind, and he was startled.

Nothing could've gone wrong, you know Beef's trustworthy, just go with it, accept it, you're now a half-outgoing social person.

He inwardly sighed.

'Beef I need to go to town for grocery. You coming?

'Going outside the castle? Absolutely! I've been literally in here for, what, four days!'

'What's the problem with being in here?'

'You.' Beef's expression was half serious, but only for the briefest second, as he bursted out of laughter while Etho finally realised that Beef was messing with him once again.

'I have the power to banish you from this land, Mister VintageBeef, watch your words.' 

He was trying to mockingly upset Beef just like Beef did to him, but somehow he ended up being on the losing side of the table again.

'Yeah, back to eating cod again, your majesty. I know you won't.'

'...Fine anyway let's go. Also don't touch my hairband I spent ten minutes putting it in place this morning... BEEF!'

'Etho, that sign literally says 'Farmer's market: to the right'.' Beef wrapped Etho's coat around him tightly, trying to keep himself as warm as possible in the piercing wind, while Etho made a left turn at the crossroad. 

'Trust me I know what I'm doing.'

'Ohh do you have like a king's private...' he didn't finish his sentence as Etho quickly shushed him, looking around to make sure no one's near them.

'No.' He looked around again, then moved closer to Beef, lowering his voice. 'Also no one here knows that I'm the King. Please try to not spoil it.'

'But why-'

'I'll explain when we get back.'

'No I meant why are we not going to the market.'

'Oh that.' Etho was already a few steps ahead of Beef, but halted his steps, as he looked at Beef wrapped up in his one-size-too-small coat. 'We're getting you proper clothings so you don't have to look like a piece of sushi.'

'Do I look like a piece of sushi right now?' 

'Totally.' Etho's suppressed laugh was well-suppressed, but Beef heard it.

'Etho I'm mad at you.' 

'Oh you can't be.'

'I'm leaving you right now.'

'To where?'

'I... nowhere.' 

Beef lowered his head down as the reality struck him again. 

He lost everything. Ordinary life, homeland, house, Matilda. He have nowhere to call home, no one to call family.

Etho bit his lower lips. He didn't know what to say really, he never had to comfort anyone in his entire life, and it for some reason hurts a lot to see Beef depressed. He thought about giving him a hug, but dropped his arms before he really lifted them. In the end he simply stayed in silence.

'Etho?' Beef finally broke the silence after a long while, and Etho immediately responded.

'Yeah?'

'Can we get a llama?'

Etho decided to not ask why.

'Sure.'

They walked back towards the castle from the farmer's market, a few bags in Etho's hands, the now useless old coat of Etho's hanging on Beef's arm, on the other side of him a creme coloured llama.

Beef still appeared to be a little depressed, no longer his usual goofy, cheerful self, and Etho found the need to strike up a conversation.

'So, what are we naming her?'

'Matilda.' There's not a second of hesitation as Beef answered plainly. Before Etho could ask, he added, 'I left her behind.'

Another long silence.

'So we should probably call her by another name, right?' Etho finally spoke, and Beef looked at him in confusion.

'But I want to...'

'I'll go and find Matilda. It'll be awkward when we have both her and this one if they have the same name.'

'But what if the Goatfather already... what if... he already...' 

Beef's struggling to say that one word.

'He didn't. I know.'

Actually he didn't know. It's not a part of his magic to acquire information hundreds of thousands of blocks away. There's simply no way. From what he'd heard about the situation and the Goatfather from Beef, he knew she's probably no longer alive.

But he knew he was hope. Him, Etho, was Beef's hope. For survival, for comfort, for the future. There's no him disappointing Beef.

'But...'

'No buts. I promised you, I make it happen. Now think of a new name.'

'Alberta.'

'Okay.'


	6. Icarus

Beef clearly spent more and more time by himself, or rather, with Alberta since he got her, and Etho felt like it's time for him to go off to search for Matilda. He knew how important she was to Beef, and he thought the sooner he goes, the safer she would be. On a morning, before Beef even woke up, Etho went on his way.

It was so early that the sun was barely up, and no one was awake except for him. He walked to the creek side near the castle, the water already frozen, and stood on the bank, staring at the ice.

It's calm and silent. Cold solitude, just like his life before Beef happened.

All of the sudden, the cold solitude seemed less familiar than it should've been. His land seemed foreign to him, with no signs of life, no signs of vitality. Clear, pure, but silent.

He sighed. 

With one wave of his hand, the ice cracked into small, crystalline pieces, then reassembled in midair, the pieces merging into an ice sled. Flakes of ice, like diamond dusts, circled around him and the sled, as he stood there, seemingly completely still apart from his hair in the perpetually blowing wind.

The sled slowly descended onto the ground, as Etho lowered his hand, stepping into the sled. Like an airplane, the sled slid forward, faster and faster, and took off, disappearing into the horizon with no one to witness.

Beef woke up and went to the kitchen as normal, assuming that Etho was still in his bedroom. Normally, Etho would come downstairs right when he's almost done cooking, sit there, and thank him when he brings the plates over. Every single day, as if they've discussed this when really they haven't.

'Etho?' He called out, in the dining hall, his voice resonating, but without a response.

Beef was quite confused. He left the breakfast there and went upstairs to find Etho.

'Etho?'

No responses from knocking the door or calling his name. Beef went back and finished his breakfast anyways, the other French toast sitting next to his empty plate.

He probably had some important business to attend to, he thought. After all, he is indeed the king, and kings have duties. I'll just walk Alberta around today, and wait a bit. Not as if we chat that much when he was here anyways.

But even that he felt lonely.

He didn't need to hang out with him. He didn't need his immediate presence. But deep down, in his subconscious mind, he needed the knowledge of Etho being somewhere near. Near enough that, whenever he needs him, he will surely appear.

Beef himself didn't know that. He went to feed Alberta downstairs, leaving Etho's part of breakfast and all those random thoughts behind.

Etho descended a few hundred blocks away from the first manmade structure he'd seen on his trip, just so he won't draw any unwanted attention in his flying ice sled. The sun had already risen, the sky still clear, just like back at his land. 

He looked down at himself, double checking his appearance. Casual daily clothings, the hairband without the platinum plaque, elytra and not a hovering sled. All good.

A colourful build site came before his eyes, some finished skyscrapers, most unfinished, with paved routes extending out on all sides.

It had indeed been a long time since Etho last visited Central Hermitmania. Last time he came here, it was still for visiting his mentor, and this entire construction site didn't even exist according to his memory. He looked around, taking in all the new things in this distant land.

And although he hadn't been here for a long time, he still figured out that the flames and smokes not far away were not something that should be there.

He glided over with his elytra, and although he never saw the structure in flames before, he felt that it looked familiar.

A large, tropical building with a pool and a tennis court and a beach and...

Beef.

Matilda.

As the Ice King, fiddling the power of ice and snow, fire hurts Etho more than it does to anyone else. People feel pain when fire touch them, he feels pain when fire exists close to him. It's not the heat the hurts, it's the essence. It seeps into his skin, the pain starting from within, and he always avoided them.

But he didn't even hesitate for a second this time.

He zoomed downward without thinking, circling at low altitude, the fire beneath him overwhelming, as he circled around, searching for the creme llama. From above, he looked like a moth throwing himself into fire, Icarus aiming himself towards the sun. 

Etho's elytra skills were not the best, as he never really had to use it. An exceptionally tall flame flickered up, scorching the edge of his elytra, making him lose his rhythm that he only just caught and tumbled down, falling down.

He was almost devoured by the flames. A few inches closer, and his skin and not elytra would be what was scorched. Thanks to his last-minute steering and sheer luck, he fell in the open atrium, onto what seemed to be a lawn and a fountain, now cracked soil and a blackened quartz structure.

It hurts. But at least it wasn't fire hurting him. He looked around, making sure that there's no flames that were too close to him.

Just then a creme coloured cloud of fluff appeared at the corner of his sight, peeking from behind the burnt quartz, its large black eyes filled with timidity.

'M...Matilda?' Etho called out, unsure, not believing that he found her this easily. The fluffy 'cloud' shuffled over to him, still quite timid, but at last moved next to Etho, sitting down on the ground, as Etho dusted off the ashes that landed on her fur, his heart racing fast out of pure excitement, the pain of falling and the approaching flames far forgotten.

Matilda. She was alive. It was really that easy.

Beef would be so, so happy when I bring her back. I did it. I found her.

He tried to summon another sled to take himself and her away immediately, as he extended his hand as usual, and water from the ocean flowed over, forming little streams in the air, dodging the fire, assembling the shape of a sled in front of them then freezing in place.

Before he could carry Matilda onto the sled, she stepped onto it by herself, turned around, and looked at Etho as if she was telling him thanks.

'Matilda.' Etho smiled, as he got on himself. 'My girl. I'm taking you back home.'

'You bet.'

A deep, slightly hoarse, and very menacing voice spoke behind him. Etho froze for a second, and accelerated the sled lifting off, trying to get away and ignoring that person while Matilda shuddered, curled up tightly against Etho, her eyes once again filled with fear.

The sled shattered into pieces not a meter above ground. 

Etho managed to not fall and found his balance on his feet, while Matilda fell straight down, her yelp of pain pricking Etho's heart.

He immediately knew what happened.

'Goatfather.' He turned around, his left eye a piercing scarlet red, blood coloured, the glance like a dagger pointed at the stranger, now right in front of him. An atmosphere of threat emitted off of him, the cold, proud, potent Ice King side of him unleashed all of a sudden.

'Hello my fellow sorcerer it seems.' The tall man raised an eyebrow, clearly not impressed. 'I like your eyes, by the way.'

'What do you want.' Etho gritted, still staring at the Goatfather coldly.

'Well rather what do you want on my territory?' The Goatfather laughed, watching Etho's wrath build up more and more to the point where he finally couldn't suppress it.

With one single gesture, hundreds of thin, sharp ice arrows reassembled from the shattered remains of the sled. Etho made one forward motion, and the arrows flew towards the Goatfather's chest in the split of a second, in a speed faster than one could even witness.

The Goatfather didn't react fast enough. Some ice arrows made it into his skin, as he clearly was suddenly bending down, clutching his chest, his face twisted in pain. The arrows already melted away, or snapped in half, but clearly their effects remained for a little while.

'This is not your land. Leave.' Etho commanded coldly, but on the inside he sighed a sigh of relief. We're safe for now, Matilda and I, he thought.

'You're a strong one huh?' The Goatfather finally stood up straight again, the fake niceness of him dissipated with those arrows of Etho. 'No need to flex just yet. One day, you'll regret it.'

'I said leave.'

'Oh I will. After one more thing though.' The corners of the Goatfather's lips twitched upward, forming a diabolical grin. 'Just a real quick thing.'

A blindingly bright green light flashed, and Etho dodged sideways instinctually, only to realise that it wasn't even aimed at him initially.

As a yelp came from behind him. It sounded less like a cry of pain, but her telling him, help.

Help. Filled with the unconditional trust she gave him in this cruel world, even in the last second. 

Even in her last second.

The fire closed in on them further.


	7. Reasons

Beef sat on the rock besides the creek, staring into the forest right in front of him just behind the creek, Alberta by his side. The section of the creek he was at had some great velocity, constantly flowing despite the temperature, way below zero, but still flowing, crystal clear water.

It was already nearing midday. Before the loneliness could get Beef, the worry got him first.

Is Etho okay, where is he, why did he go, why didn't he tell me, that was all there was in Beef's mind. He half-heartedly petted Alberta, who was going to stand up and wander into the forest, but sat back down next to him again.

In the far north, a man and his girl sat on a creek side rock, watching the landscape, the scene beautiful like a painting.

In the far north, a man and his girl sat on a creek side rock, the girl thinking about the man next to her, the man thinking about some other people, the cliché like a novel.

Matilda and Etho.

Etho and Matilda.

Beef closed his eyes, the blinding sun casting little shadows on him, bringing some little warmth.

'How dare you.'

'Listen, lower your hand.' The Goatfather didn't look threatened at all by Etho getting ready to release some other attack at any second. 'An eye for an eye. I expected you to know that as a superpower, but I guess not.'

'That's why you killed Matilda? Because I attacked you when you were being hostile first?'

The flames around the two men closed in even further. Etho suddenly felt the prickling pain, but he stood there still, squeezing the words out of his teeth. From wrath, or from pain, or both.

'No, I didn't even know you when I came here to make sure she's dead.' The Goatfather rolled his eyes. 'If I'm not mistaken, she isn't yours. This place isn't yours. Why are you here to interfere my business anyways?'

Etho didn't answer his question. 'You burned his place down. You killed his beloved pet. What did he do to you, a single joke?'

'Oh him. He tricked me thinking he could get away with it.'

Etho didn't say anything else. He stared at the Goatfather, his body tense, all his energy concentrated in one hand, still ready to attack. The Goatfather noticed him getting ready for action, but kept on telling his story, not taking any defence actions.

'He told me he found my lost dolphin but he didn't. He lied to me. It's like you thinking you could get that llama back, but seeing her get killed in front of your face.'

'He didn't kill your dolphin. He didn't burn your place d-'

'And I never said I'm not a villain.' The Goatfather cut him off. 'Why are you risking your life for that Beef guy again? And his llama? You think it's worth it to plummet down into the fire and fight me to make him happy? You care about him so much?'

'None of your business.'

This, for some reason, triggered Etho way more than either of them expected. He released the energy, as a pale blue beam fired out of his fingertips, no weaker than the beam that took Matilda's life. Only this time, the Goatfather wasn't the defenceless llama, and he blocked it just in time with an invisible shield, the light beam splashing off of it, flying everywhere, some landing into the fire and making sizzling noises as if they're water drops.

'Leave before I kill you.'

Etho's tone was getting more and more cold and threatening as their exchange went, the scent of danger radiating off of him, and the Goatfather, for the first time ever that he had seen, was a little bit startled. Almost invisible, but that millisecond of fear was indeed present nonetheless. He very quickly found his overconfident arrogant self again, though.

'Take an eye for an eye, I already told you, brother. Expect my next victim to be you.'

Etho was either extremely brave, extremely good at concealing emotions, or wasn't even distracted by processing this threat.

'Same here.'

He watched the Goatfather leave, walking straight through the fire and disappearing behind the corner of the ruins of the resort.

The last facade of emotionlessness in him cracked and collapsed. He slowly kneeled down, his tears dropping onto Matilda's body. It was all too sudden and abrupt, he spontaneously found her, he spontaneously lost her.

The fire was getting too close to him, giving him no time to drown in his thoughts. He summoned another sled and took off, carrying Matilda in his arms.

He didn't know where he was going. He hovered high up above the burning buildings, watching everything collapse below him, Matilda next to him, she looked as if she was asleep.

He felt lost for what seemed like the first in forever.

Help. He needed help. He never learnt how to deal with the overwhelming sadness, he never had to deal with the overwhelming sadness, until now.

_'Why are you risking your life for that Beef guy again?'_

The words sounded in his mind, haunting him.

Yeah, why was he risking his life. Why was he so invested in it. Why was he so indescriptibly sad for someone else's pet. He didn't know, and there's too much going on for him to try to figure it out.

A person came to mind. The only one he could think of when he needed help. He steered the sled towards east, where far, far away, out of sight, colourful glass domes and a mystical rainbow stood.


	8. Laws

Stress didn't expect to see Etho this soon again. She heard the knockings on her door, went to open it, and saw her student standing there, his hair a mess from the wind, a llama that she'd never seen before in his arms.

She knew something was off immediately. Etho would never actively visit people, unless it's his responsibility or he needed help himself. It was always like that, ever since he was a young student and she was the Queen.

And now, this opposite-of-talkative man stood at her doorstep, with a llama for no reasons she could think off.

Before she could greet him, he spoke first.

'Stress, please tell me you can save her.'

'Etho, you know the laws of sorcery.' She sighed, as Etho sat on the other side of the long sofa, Matilda placed next to him, positioned so she was leaning on him, as if she were really only asleep and nothing else.

'But...'

'Remember what I taught you in the first lesson?'

'......yes.'

Of course he remembers. It's the fundamentals of his powers, how could he forget. The conservation of vitality, the conservation of energy, the entropy of life.

Meaning, in order to heal, one needs to pay the equivalent. The first law.

And, for every power released, energy is used. The second law.

Most importantly, all life eventually dies, with no exception and no way to reverse it. The final law.

'I cannot reverse what happened. No one can reverse what happened.' Stress whispered, in the least harsh tone she could ever manage, but she could almost visibly see Etho's spirit deflate into absolutely nothing.

'I know. I'm sorry to bother you.' Etho stood up, and to Stress's surprise, it looked like as if he was holding back tears.

Etho never cried. Never.

When he was a teenager and didn't have the most control of his powers, he occasionally hurts himself by accident, and no matter how much it hurts, he never cried.

Once, at his birthday, she got him an arctic fox. He liked the fox a lot, but it ran away only a few days after he got it. He was clearly upset, but not a single tear.

Even, when she was only sixteen, when she was only newly the Queen, when she found him, a merely seven years old child, abandoned near the creek side in the winter of Northern Hermitmania, snow covered, face wounded, he wasn't crying.

She knew him better than anyone does, and she knew, Etho had been a tough boy, Etho was a tough man, and nothing could possibly hurt him emotionally.

Yet tears were clearly circling in his eyes.

Etho called her name, pulling her out of the memories.

'Stress.'

'Yeah?' She looked at him, as he flashed a forced smile, pale compared to his dampened eyes.

'Could you... bury her... with me?'

Stress focused on sculpting the headstone for Matilda with her magic, while Etho stood there like a sculpture himself. She channeled a little lake over, so the power in the water essence can keep the blue ice headstone frozen.

It was not taking that long of a time. Soon, she was done, an elegantly curved blank ice plaque with a little sculpture of a llama on top of it.

She paused her actions and looked at Etho.

Etho understood it. He went over, kneeled down, and, carefully, ran his finger across the surface, the words he traced out etched in , following his fingertip.

'Matilda'.

He turned around to Stress, squeezing out the pale, forced smile again.

'It's a beautiful name, right?'

'Yeah.'

Stress was still not too sure about what this was about, but she figured out that she probably shouldn't ask. To her surprise, Etho started a conversation.

'Stress, I have a question.'

'Hm?'

'I...... can I ever...learn the healing powers? Or is it I don't have a single chance...?'

Stress didn't expect him to ask that. Her brain fired rapidly, trying to figure out what to say.

People in Hermitmania are either born a sorcerer, an ordinary, or a Perditrix. Sorcerers appear no different compared to ordinaries, apart from the fact that they possess magic. Perditrixs, on the other hand, are different. They have telltale physical appearances that separate them from the rest.

Luckily, they're so rare, that some common people might live their entire life not meeting a single one, and Perditrixs who wish to conceal their identity can do so easily for no one really knows about them. Although they rarely would wish to though, most Perditrixs are proud, some even arrogant, about their identity.

Sorcerers look up to Perditrixs, they admire them, they feel jealous towards them. For Perditrixs are the most powerful, the art of destruction and power written in their soul, flowing in their blood. Their ability of harm and destruction were tenfold of an ordinary sorcerer.

With a payoff.

They could never acquire what every common sorcerers and sorceresses have. The ability to heal others, channeling nature's energy to help them do so.

No Perditrixs had ever managed to learn it successfully.

No one, in the history of time.

'......No. you cannot.' Stress chose to tell him the hard truth in the end of her thinking. 'But why would you need it? No one could ever harm you with your Perditrix powers, your self defence makes it up for the missing healing powers...'

'Yeah, it used to be that way.' Etho looked down at the ground, then up again at her, this time the lost and helplessness in his eyes completely gone, replaced by determination.

'But now I have more than myself to protect.'

Stress sighed.

'No one ever tried to teach a Perditrix healing, and no Perditrix tried to learn it. It's impossible.'

'But you said no one tried. So maybe it is... it's just hard and not impossible, it's just no one did it yet...?'

Stress fell into a temporary silence.

'Etho, it's not worth it. There could be irreversible consequences for attempting what out of nature's bounds. It could be bad. It could be horrible. You're not supposed to know how to heal.'

'Please. Give me a chance.'

At last she gave in.

'Go back, think about it, reconsider it, reconsider it carefully. And if you still insist, I will.'

Beef was not expecting Etho to be back before dusk. It's already late afternoon, Alberta was back in her stable, all comfy and warm, while Beef paced the trail from the castle to the creek, back and forth, not really knowing what to do.

He looked down, and kicked a little pebble on the ground. It rolled far away. His eyes followed the pebble, trying to figure out if it was the farthest pebble he kicked today, but saw something else. The base of a transparent sled.

He looked up, and saw Etho smiling at him.

'Yeah I'm back.'

Without thinking, he sprinted towards him, giving him a big hug.

'Thank god I was worried. Where were you? When did you leave? Wh...'

'Beef... let me breathe.'

'Oh. Sorry.' Beef released him from the hug, a little bit awkward. Etho shrugged.

'Not a big deal. Umm, I went to Central Hermitmania, I... visited my mentor, and, umm, checked on Matilda.'

Etho swallowed.

'She refused to go with me, so I left her there. But...... she's safe right now.'


	9. Etho

Life went on. No immediate danger, no dramatic events, all that could be done for now were done. Needless to say, Beef now considered Etho a very extremely close friend and enjoyed messing around with him a lot, and Etho more or less accepted the fact that Beef was now a permanent part of his life and he could do nothing about it.

Or even more than simply accepting. But all his actions showed nothing towards Beef so far, and him, being the typical Etho, kept everything to himself as always.

One day, after dinner.

Etho was busy levitating dishes and controlling the faucet streams, his mind focusing on the chores, trying to distract himself from some thoughts.

Beef was in his room, alone. He had not been feeling too well that day. His chest hurts, like a heart attack but long lasting and apparently not fatal. He changed into looser, more comfortable clothes, hoping that it would help but really it didn't. He took deep breaths, but that was also useless.

As much as he didn't want to bother Etho with actual problems, he felt like he had to finally.

He went downstairs, finding Etho still in the dining hall, and thought for a moment about how to phrase it. At last, he decided to simply say it.

'Etho...?'

'Hm?' Etho was on his way to his study-lounge area, but stopped at the sound of Beef.

'I don't feel too well.'

To Beef's surprise, Etho's reaction was way more emotional and sudden than he'd ever expect.

'Did you catch a cold? How exactly do you feel right now? Is it really severe? Have it happened before...' he hurried towards Beef, stumbling over a barstool's leg, his facial expression at a total lost, not knowing what to do.

This was a side of Etho I'd never seen, thought Beef.

Beef sat on the huge sofa in Etho's study, as Etho flipped through his bookshelves and table, trying to find a magic book that could aid him.

 _Why couldn't I persuade Stress to teach me straight away... I had a feeling that I'm going to need it, but I didn't think it was going to be this soon... please, something, anything, why the hell am I a Perditrix......_ he silently cursed himself, walking to the other side of the room to search the other bookshelves, passing by Beef who caught the corner of his shirt and tugged it.

'Ummm, I don't think it's that much of a problem... I guess it would simply go away after I get enough sleep and... yeah.' He looked up at him, and, to his surprise, witnessed a complete Etho-emotional-breakdown.

'Beef I'm sorry... I... there's nothing I can do...' he bit his lips, the guilt and helplessness on his face so strong that it even his eyes appeared duller, the suddenness almost scaring Beef.

'Hey, it's okay, its not that bad, not like I'm dying or something.' Beef stood up and pulled Etho into his arms without thinking. 'No worries.'

His chest still hurt, but it was getting better, as Etho silently hugged him back, burying his face in the crook of his neck.. He ran his hand through Etho's hair, feeling the latter calming down in his arms.

It was weirdly making him feel content, despite the physical pain and Etho behaving weirdly. He took a deep breath, the scent of Etho filling his mind, pinecones and aurora, snow and the lily bells hidden under it.

Etho.

Beef fell asleep pretty quickly on the sofa, a blanket over him, Etho insisted him to not sleep alone just incase anything happens.

And now, Etho paced the room, too much in his mind. Namely, the question that the Goatfather threw to him.

_'Why are you risking your life for that Beef guy anyways?'_

_'You care about him so much?'_

Definitely not because he was a nice altruistic person. He was, but not near altruistic enough to plunge into flames for someone else's pet. Not nearly enough to totally freak out when someone has a tiny bit of discomfort. Not nearly enough for him to attempt challenging nature's laws, knowing how severe the consequences could be.

It must be that Beef was not just anyone. Then who was he exactly, what was he exactly, why would he care about him so much, more than he did himself.

What was all these unreasonable mess... he ran his fingers through his hair mindlessly, trying to think of any logical explanation.

He couldn't for the life of him come up with anything based on logics. Based on logics, everything about him and Beef didn't make sense.

Beef rolled in his sleep, making a shuffling noise. Etho looked over at him, then resumed thinking, a smile already crept on his face without him knowing.

He still didn't have a logical explanation, but he thought he had an explanation.

Beef shuffled again, his one hand dangling down from the sofa, fingers relaxedly curled, as if asking someone to hold it. Etho pulled a pouf over, sitting down next to him, and, after a long time, placed his hand in Beef's.

Almost as if Beef was awake, Etho felt him squeezing his hand with the littlest force, and that amplified the feeling in him almost infinitely.

The asleep Beef looked quite different from the awake one. A calm, soft smile on his face, none of the mischief and noisiness during the day could be seen, simply soft, warm, comforting.

The sandman came to visit Etho at last, despite how hard he tried to stay awake. He slipped down onto the carpet covered floor, his back leaning on the sofa, and, head resting on Beef's arm, he fell asleep.

The one singular candle on his desk still illuminating the room, casting a dim, warm shadow over the two.

They both reached the unspoken consensus of never talking about Beef's incident that happened that night, but they visibly grew closer after it. Etho was still nowhere near as talkative as Beef, but he clearly no longer rejected the idea of expressing himself, or in Beef's words, 'finally able of saying more than five unsarcastic words consecutively'.

Although it was only because he thought he already embarrassed himself enough to the point where there was no point to try and fix it, but Beef didn't need to know that.

And, of course, one direct consequence of that incident was that Etho wanted to learn the power of healing more than ever. Stress gave him a minimum of a month to 'really think it through', and, knowing Stress, he knew if he showed up half a day earlier, she wouldn't agree to it. That, along with how it's only the first week of the one month, made him more or less concerned.

He told himself repeatedly, it's okay, everyone have discomforts now and then, there's nothing to do with magic, there's nothing to do with death, there's nothing to do with danger, it likely won't happen again any time soon, he was totally overreacting due to some weird reasons. And he sort of did it. Some thing still felt suspicious, but he chose to ignore it.

Since when did I start lying to myself... Etho closed the book in front of him recording some ancient sorceries and stretched his arms. The heavy leather bound cover made a dull sound hitting the pages, half-concealing the knocking sound from his door.

'Come in.' He yawned, as Beef appeared at the door, his hand behind his back as if hiding something.

'Guess what I just found?' Beef's voice was full of rare pure excitement, while Etho finished his yawn, still a bit tired.

'What...? Oh.'

Beef dropped the little bundle of poppies that he was hiding behind him onto the desk and picked one out, clipping it behind Etho's ear.

He didn't intend to, but he was trapping Etho between him and the armchair, one arm supporting his weight leaning in, his hand pressed on the armrest. Etho's hairband was giving him some trouble tucking the poppy in,as he focused on the little flower, not noticing the ferocious blush creeping onto Etho's face.

Etho could hear his own heartbeat speeding up. He let Beef do it, as he tried to not embarrass himself again, overwhelmed by the suddenness of it.

'Hey Etho.'

He got abruptly pulled back from his own world. Beef waved his hand in front of his face, a fond smile meeting his confusion and flustered-ness.

'You're zoning out.'

'Oh sorry I...'

'No it's perfectly fine. It's more than fine. I just wanted to say it's the same colour as your iris and you look very extremely adorable with it.'

'Is it?' Etho glanced over to the poppies on the table, now all scattered, and picked one up for further inspection.

'Actually not really. Nothing is comparable to you.' Beef grinned, satisfied with Etho's facial expression resulted from his tease.

'Beef I swear-'

'Okay fine I'll stop... Anyway the point was, I found a poppy field right across that creek. It's beautiful.'

'Oh that one... yeah it is.'

It has been there since forever. When Etho was a kid, Stress took him there a few times. She told him a story when they were traversing the ocean of scarlet, it involved too many words the young Etho didn't understand, such as ecstasy, destiny, hope, and love.

Do the grown-up me understand them, he thought. Probably not, but...

'Beef?'

'Yeah?'

Before Beef could react, he reached up and tucked the poppy he was fiddling with behind Beef's ear.

'......there that's better.'


	10. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could sense the angst coming

December. The boreal town was already festive, a gigantic pine tree in the center of the town, decorated with red and gold ornaments, bright, warm colours glowing on the background of cold white snows.

Beef was getting more and more excited for Christmas. Ever since Etho told him that there would be a grand ball hosted in the castle every Christmas Eve, which was back in November, he was looking forward to it like nothing else.

'Etho when are we decorating the ball room? Have you decided on the desserts and drinks? I don't have a formal suit do I need one-'

Etho stuffed an entire sweet berry into Beef's mouth to stop the noise.

'Not now, no, probably.'

'......'

'Yeah finish your food before you talk.'

'...I hate you.'

'It's some great berries.'

'I still hate you.'

One more berry.

Beef rolled his eyes, but had no choice but finish it.

'I- no Etho stop it not another one-'

'Fine I won't.' Etho stuffed the berry in his hand into his own mouth. 'Anyways. It's been long since we've went in town shopping together right?'

'Are you saying...' Beef's eyes suddenly got lit up with excitement.

'Yes. Christmas shopping. Let's go.'

They reached the town square.

Every roof was snow covered, every shop lit with warm lights, every corner decorated, every person with joy.

They had no specific aims, so they wandered on the streets, Beef stopping at every display window curious about everything, Etho standing there and waiting for him, listening to him pouring out his excitement with a smile, chatting with him nonchalantly, about the weather, about the stars, about everything.

'...so why don't you want them to know who you are?' Beef asked, as Etho shrugged.

'So I can live a more free life. If they know I'm the king then there wouldn't be a single chance that I'm here walking with you right?'

'Yeah I guess... yeah. Actually how do you keep it a secret, I mean, with your eye-'

'I wear a mask as the Ice King. Covers the eye and scar and everything...'

A tall man passed them, seemingly by chance, while they were chatting, an odd ominous atmosphere surrounding him. He wore a long robe, a little out of place in this modern era, but dark enough that he blended in with the wall and didn't attract any attention.

He glanced at Etho as they walked past each other, his own face hidden under the hood of his robe, in the shadows.

Etho wasn't looking at him. Etho didn't even notice him, he was looking at Beef this entire time.

Beef also didn't see him, but he suddenly shuddered for no reason, as Etho took on a bit of worry.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah... I don't know, I guess that wind made me cold.'

The unknown man's lips twitched upwards, as he turned and looked at the two again, already pretty far away.

'Ice King. Beef. Hmm.'

They felt like they did nothing yet, but their hands were already full of bags and boxes. The sky was completely dark, and some stores even started closing. Etho was tired, Beef was still excited like when they headed out, although he was the one carrying the most bags.

'Beef let's go back.' Etho yawned as he turned to look at Beef, some fatigue visible in his eyes.

'Just one more shop?'

'Beef...'

'Please?'

'...fine. One more. Once you step into it you cannot go for another.'

'That tailor shop over there. I still need a formal attire for the ball.'

'But I have to wait for you for forever...'

'Then wait I guess since you proposed we come shopping in the first place- oww.'

Etho flicked his forehead lightly with his empty hand, standing on his tiptoes ever so slightly, knowing that Beef could not possibly fight back.

'Etho I warn you once I get back and drop off the things I'm going to-'

'Nope.'

Beef was trying on all the suits, while Etho sat on the couch at the corner of the shop, stretching his legs, watching the tailor and Beef chat.

'So you're new to this town?'

'Yeah... well I don't really live here, I'm just staying at my friend's place for now.'

'Oh I remember, you and him were here not long ago for a winter coat right?'

'Yeah that's me...'

He didn't quite hear the rest of the conversation. One word circled in his mind, out of all the conversations going on around him, one word.

'...staying at my friend's place.'  
  


_Of course we're just friends. What am I even thinking_.

Just friends.

'Etho? Do you think this one'll look better or this one?'

He looked up as his train of thought was abruptly broken, seeing Beef in a black suit, with a cobalt blue bow tie that for some reason suited him a lot.

'Err, the one on you right now. Yeah this one.'

'Did you even look at me...'

'Yeah I did, you look nice.'

Etho's tone sounded like he didn't even bother. He didn't know what got to him, but a strange sense of impatience and discomfort was boiling inside of him. He tried to suppress it.

Beef looked confused, but he chose to not say anything else, probably having sensed Etho being somewhat off.

Their walk back was awkward. Etho didn't say a word, Beef didn't know what to say. Both of them knew something was wrong, both didn't know what exactly.

Or maybe Etho did. But for now he was still trying hard to brainwash himself, 'just friends', 'this is what it should be', 'I'm not upset at all'.

He finally couldn't keep it up.

'Beef?'

'Yeah?'

'You think we're... friends?'

'I would hope that you don't still consider me a stranger refuge right?' Beef looked at him, a little bit confused, a little bit nervous.

_Oh yeah. We are never meant to even be friends in the first place. We are supposed to be strangers that happens to have met._

_Beef thinks 'friends' is as far as we could go._

_I thought we could go further._

_Probably not._

_Probably shouldn't._

'No that's not why I meant... never mind. Yeah I do consider you a friend.'

Snow started falling down once again, covering their footprints behind them as they were making new ones.

Etho didn't say anything else.


	11. Mishap

Etho hadn't come out of his room for the next entire day, and it would be lying to say that Beef wasn't worried. He did went to knock on his door, but Etho didn't even answer.

He didn't show up for breakfast. Or lunch. Or anything. It's as if he weren't even there, but sounds coming from his room now and then tells Beef he was. It got to the point where Beef had to choose to enter the room without permission, the other choice being to bear the exponentially growing worry.

Beef knocked on the door one last time, not expecting a response, just out of habit when he approaches the door. To his surprise, Etho actually answered.

'Come in.'

He was sitting on the floor, his hair and clothes not straightened out at all, his entire being surrounded by a depressed atmosphere. He was leaning on the grand French window, the wooden grilles behind his back, Beef could imagine the discomfort of the hard ridges just from a glance.

All in all, he was not looking well.

Beef didn't know what to say, or do, or anything. He was prepared for worse, he was glad that it didn't happen, but still, the state Etho was in scared him.

'Etho...'

'I'm okay.' Etho looked up, his eyes wasn't particular tired, but no longer the energetic, strong Etho look.

'Etho did something happen? Did someone upset you? Did...did I upset you? Etho...'

'No I was just thinking some things. Thanks for asking though.'

Etho looked away when he answered Beef, knowing that his eyes were wet and tears might fall at any second, not wanting anyone to see that.

'Etho-'

'Beef I need some time to myself now. I ummm... have some things to do.'

Beef left unwillingly, leaving him alone in his room again.

He felt a drop of tear roll down his face the moment the door closed.

_How stupid are you Etho? Risking so much for a person that doesn't even love you back? Opening your heart just for it to get broken again? I thought you learned, I thought you wouldn't make a mistake as basic as this, how stupid are you?_

_How stupid am I...?_

He covered his face with his hands, the tears seeping out between his fingers.

_Stop. I'm the strongest. The strongest. I don't get defeated by things like this._

_I can sure find the old me back. The strong, omnipotent Ice King._

_I can stop this. And I will stop this._  
  


He thought he made his mind.

After all Etho still had to eat, it had been an entire day, and his stomach was already faintly aching a bit. He went downstairs into the kitchen after washing the tears away, planning to make something for himself even though he knew Beef probably already had some food cooking.

Beef didn't.

There were a piece of note beneath an empty glass on the counter.

He suddenly felt like he was afraid to read it. With slightly trembling hands, he pulled it out, and the words on it entered his field of vision.

Beef's handwriting was a bit messy, legible but not easily legible. He traced the sentences with his finger, as the words became clear in his eyes, he could almost hear Beef's voice reading them.

'Etho, thank you for these few weeks. It had been fun.'

'I'm glad I met you. But yeah, we do have different lives.'

'Etho, it shouldn't be. I would only cause more problems with the Goatfather and everything. I caused it, I should take it alone. It's time for me to go and continue my journey.'

The words after that were blurred with water stains, already dried, but Etho didn't bother trying to read them. He sprinted upstairs towards Beef's room, tripping over on the stairs, he felt the sharp pain coming from his shin but ignored it.

Of course Beef wasn't there. Not even his stuff were there. Bed made, furniture put straight, drawers and closets empty, curtains closed. Everything was perfect, too perfect, apart from the absence of what Etho was looking for.

He stumbled his way to the castle gate.

The snow yesterday night covered everything in his sight, roof, trees, ground. On it were a single trail of footprints, dark on the blinding whiteness, accompanied by a single trail of hoof prints.

He turned around and looked at the stable. Alberta was also gone.

Without thinking he started running again, following the trail, the resolution he made merely hours ago already nowhere in his mind. His hairband fell off, he didn't even pause.

He knew it couldn't have been that far, Beef had to pack up, get Alberta, walk in snow, it couldn't have been that far at all.

Yet the trail kept going.

He no longer felt tears, just frozen shells of water on his face, uncomfortable but his skin was getting more and more numb from the piercing coldness. He didn't think of putting on a coat when he went out too, and that didn't help.

The trail kept going.

Beef packed up, there were a surprising little amount of things he owned. With everything tucked away in just a few shulkerboxes, he went downstairs, grabbing his coat at the doorway.

Outside, he heard Alberta stomping on the hay covered ground, as if anticipating for something. He smiled sadly to himself.

_Even she knows we need to go._

Instead of opening the castle gate and leaving, he turned back around towards the kitchen, where he was sure Etho would be in sooner or later. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, and started writing.

A single droplet of tear splashed on the note he just wrote, he didn't even realise he was silently crying. It blurred out his signature, but he decided, it wasn't that important, he wouldn't bother to re-write it, he should get going.

On the snowy plains outside, Beef walked, Alberta by his side, towards he didn't know where.

On the counter, the tear stain slowly seeped further and further, devouring the words.

'Yours, VintageBeef.'

He went farther and farther, the sky falling dark above him, colder and colder.

Etho occupied his mind as he mindlessly walked.

Already he was missing the times they spent. Already he was missing him. He was sure he made the right choice to leave, but he never thought it would feel so heavy, even heavier than when he left his resort, when he left Matilda.

I'm supposed to be good at saying goodbyes, he constantly told himself, but Etho wouldn't leave his mind.

He sighed. For once again there was no going back, Etho had probably already seen his note, and he had no choice but keep walking.

He turned and looked at Alberta. For so long she always reminded him of Matilda, of his carefree, long lost past, but now she reminded him of Etho, of the ice castle, of their times together, of the past he just lost.

Etho. He couldn't distract himself from him for a single bit.

It was so late and cold that he had to stop for the night. He started a fire, unloaded his stuff, as Alberta curiously approached the flames then deciding no it would hurt.

It was all going not badly at all.

Until he suddenly felt the pain from his chest again, only stronger this time.

He curled up on the ground, the pure, numbing coldness like an anaesthetic, making his pain ease just the tiniest bit, but better than nothing.

Then it got even more severe, as he felt the world fade away from him gradually, the lights from the fire, the dusking sky, Alberta, all fading.

Before he totally blacked out, he had an illusion of falling in the woods, only it felt more hopeless than the time he did fall.

_There won't be another Etho to save me again._


	12. Realise

It felt like forever until Etho saw the patch of flickery lights down the valley, although it's barely been half an hour. His legs were already numb and heavy but he forced himself to speed up, knowing that it might be Beef.

Even though just might be.

But still, possible.

He saw Alberta first, running towards him from where the lights were. He was too tired and tense, mentally or physically, to logically infer that Beef must be at the lights. He just followed the llama back towards the fire, as the figure on the ground became clearer and clearer, wrapped in a black coat, inanimate.

'Beef?' He shouted, his voice cracking.

Beef didn't answer.

'Are you alright Beef... Beef please... answer me...'

he stumbled, kneeling next to Beef, the momentum of him running too strong for him to stop properly.

Beef still didn't answer.

'You're... you're alive right? Beef please...'

He put his fingers in front of Beef's nose, his panic visibly growing tremendously as he felt no breath, then realising his fingers were too cold and numb to feel anything. Trembling, he bent down, pressing his ear against Beef's chest.

Thanks to god, he heard heartbeats.

Beef woke up.

The first thought he came across was whether he was still alive. It seemed too good to be, warmth, softness, no more pain. It almost felt like his body was left behind in the tundra and himself was here.

But then he was sure that wasn't the case. Etho was curled up on the couch at the corner of the room, deep asleep, his eyes still a bit red, his hair tangled up, messiest Beef had ever seen.

He somehow reminded Beef of an arctic fox after being chased for days and finally reaching safety. Beef smiled at the thought, sitting up, his chin on his hands, gazing at Etho.

_He went and found me._

Right when Beef almost fell into his thoughts, Etho murmured in his sleep, seizing Beef's attention.

'Beeeeef.... don't leave...'

His face scrunched up ever so slightly, tugging Beef's heartstrings quite a bit.

_He actually wanted me to stay... I thought..._

'Beef!'

Etho's eyes suddenly opened wide as he tried to sit up, breathing heavily. He looked up at Beef, and, after a long realisation of Beef was okay, relief finally appeared on his face.

Before Beef could react Etho stood up, stumbled across the room towards him, and collapsed in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

It hurts Beef more than he would ever expect. He had had some friends who were going through hard times, he had felt sympathetically sad for them, but it was never as heartbreaking as seeing Etho like this, the man he once deemed to be omnipotent having a mental breakdown, he was almost scared.

'Etho...'

No response, just him silently crying in his arms, making Beef feel increasingly guilty.

His heart was beating faster and faster for seemingly no reason. He looked down at Etho, as Etho looked up at the same time, his eyes still watery, Beef could see a distorted image of himself in them.

Before he could say anything, Etho spoke first, he sounded broken but the words were squeezed out of his teeth with force.

'Beef. Don't. You. Ever. Leave me again.'

'I'm sorry. I won't.'

There was no hesitation in his answers.

Etho was not doing well that day again, but not the locking himself in his room type of not well. He tagged along Beef the entire day, and when Beef had to leave him for the bathroom or things like that, he would sit there zoning out, looking like a coloured melancholic sculpture.

Beef knew he was to blame, although he didn't expect Etho to go find him again when he made the decision. Even though Etho hadn't said a word about it, he knew what happened last night, that Etho had to find him and bring him back, it was probably very cold, Etho probably had no idea where he was at. He didn't know, though, what exactly could he do to make it up to him.

If only he would ask me for something, anything, I'd help, Beef thought to himself many times, but he doesn't talk to me and doesn't want me to leave either, I don't know.

They stayed like that for the entire day, awkward, but no conflict, no unexpectedness, not the worst outcome possible at all.

Soon the sky fell dark, signalling the time to rest for the day. Beef was slightly relieved that he was finally getting away from the awkwardness, but at the same time very extremely worried about Etho's well being. He decided he was overthinking everything at last; who was he to worry about no one but the Ice King himself, there couldn't be anything that Etho wasn't strong enough for.

Yet he saw the very person collapse in his arms merely hours ago. He saw him with tears, like a wounded bird, like a fragile piece of art, break right in front of him.

He took a deep breath. He couldn't bear the idea of a sad Etho ever again, and he decided to check on him after flipping and failing to fall asleep for hours, just in case. Before he could even reach the door, though, it creaked open, a tired Etho behind it, his mouth open as if he was trying to say something but didn't expect Beef to happen to be walking towards him.

'Etho? You okay?'

'......not really.'

They stood at the door, the lights from the corridor casting a dim shadow of Etho on the floor.

'I had a nightmare. In it you died.’  
  


'Beef.'

Etho laid there, staring blankly at the ceiling in the darkness, still not nearly on edge of falling asleep although it was past midnight already.

'Yeah?'

'Why did you leave?'

'I...'

Beef was half expecting Etho to question him, but he didn't have an answer ready.

'I... you said you wanted to be alone right? So I thought...... yeah.'

It was harder than he thought to explain his motivation. He was pretty sure that he should have left when he made the decision for no reason at all, and now he was questioning it.

Clearly Etho didn't want him to leave. At all.

'And you? Why did you go search for me Etho?'

'Because...'

There were no words following the 'because'. Beef sat up, leaning on the backboard of the bed, looking at Etho who was still staring at the ceiling.

It wasn't until a long while that Etho spoke again, surprisingly calm like the normal him.

'Because I'm likely the only one alive that can parallel the Goatfather. And...... if you leave me... and if he finds out that I'm no longer protecting you... yeah.'

'He wouldn't do anything as long as you're here. As long as you're with me. He knew I'd die for you, he also knew if we, me and him, if we fight, he probably won't be the surviving one.'

'I didn't tell you all of these because I thought you don't need to know. I thought you'd never leave and you'd stay here and be safe forever, I thought even if he comes I can take him down without help. But then you left.'

'Beef, don't. I thought I lost you forever. I really did.'

Beef was beyond shocked. All of these was too much information at once, he couldn't take them all even slowly.

Etho and the Goatfather were the two most powerful people. Not just powerful, most powerful.

Etho thought everything through, more than he himself did, about his survival and safety.

And Etho said he'd die for him.  
  


He swallowed his question back harshly, knowing awkwardness would follow. But the newly acquired information flew around his mind in circles, hindering him from properly thinking about anything.

_He'd die for me. He said it himself._

_Would I die for him?_

Initially Beef thought, probably not, death is a scary thing and he likely couldn't face it, let alone actively walk toward it. Also it was too big a question, too bland, too fictional, too unrealistic. If Etho couldn't defeat something, there's no way he could, right?

He looked at Etho again, there was only little light leaking in from the door, but that's enough for him to make out the outline of Etho's face, still staring at the ceiling, his eyes bright, the watery type of bright, out of focus but bright.

'Etho?'

Etho tilted his head slightly, his own face pressing his long hair flat on the pillow, as he shifted his glance from the chandelier to Beef.

_Why do I find him adorable. I shouldn't. But clearly I do._

'Nothing.' Beef tried to not suddenly giggle too hard. 'I'm just surprised that you, Etho himself, would come to me in the middle of the night because you are too scared to sleep. Never thought this day would come.'

'Shut up you caused it.'

Although that was what he said, there was a smile on his lips.

It was long past midnight, Beef still didn't fall asleep. Etho did, however, and he was not having another nightmare as Beef observed.

Beef watched him. Without his scarlet coloured iris, his entire facial feature seemed less distant and harsh, could even be called soft, Beef never realised that before.

A content smile crept onto the corner of Beef's mouth before he knew.

_God dammit I would actually die for him._


	13. Incident

Etho closed the door behind him, looking at Beef still asleep in bed one last time, his expressions indecipherable. 

Contrary to what Beef thought, he didn't tell him everything. He didn't tell him all the reasons he was so worried. There were so, so much more than 'Only I am strong enough.' If only that was all, he thought to himself, if only that was all, then how great would everything be.

Yet he knew there was something more than that. He didn't know what, but he knew it exists.

The Goatfather knew that he was no match to Etho, and Etho knew that he knew it. He saw it in his expressions at their first encounter, when he fired the beams towards him, the expression in his eyes were pure primitive fear. Yet the Goatfather was so confident in being able to defeat him not minutes later.

Was he bluffing back then? Was he trying to scare him off so he might get to murdering Beef without obstacles? Or did he knew something Etho didn't, he knew something that would make him stronger, he knew he would be able to defeat him?

Etho refused to think further. He glanced at the rising sun, an unsaturated blend of orange and blue, hidden behind the few clouds at the horizon.

Before he could turn and go back inside, he heard footsteps behind him, and some Beef-scratching-his-head noises.

'Morning Etho.' Beef yawned, walking towards him, having no idea what was in his mind.

'What would you do if I couldn't defeat the Goatfather?' The question appeared all of a sudden, and before he realised, it was already out of his mouth.

'I don't know... but it won't happen anyways right?' Beef glanced at him, a hint of nervousness and concern developing on his expressions. 'You said you're stronger than him so...'

'...yeah it won't happen.' Etho squeezed out a smile, 'it'll be alright.'

Etho's anticipation for the day he could finally go off to Stress's place was growing every single day. It would be the day right after Christmas, very convenient, as the King he would have to host the ball and he could leave the day after, and although it's still early December, he was planning his trip like it's happening tomorrow.

Beef, however, had no idea. He felt nostalgic for Matilda now and then, worried about his own health which seemed to be on the decreasing end - 'I need to start working out again' - when it crosses his mind, but really his life in the castle was quite lighthearted, or at least at the moment.

And his new favourite thing became watching Etho. Watching Etho talk, watching Etho eat, watching Etho zoning out, watching Etho staring back at him.

They now walked Alberta together instead of Beef doing it alone, going out of the castle walls, around the bending creek, across the bridge, on the edge of the spruce forest, almost reaching the poppy field, then turning back. Normally they walk her at evenings; the sun would barely be down, the stars would barely be up.

Beef asked Etho once, when they were walking along the creek side, 'what would you say are stars made of'.

'Rocks, dirt, and sometimes atmosphere.'

'No, imagine. Not what are they actually made of, but in your world, what are stars.'

Etho thought about it for a long time. 

'Expired dreams burning away, I guess. Expired dreams becoming dusts, then becoming nonexistent.'

'You're a gloomy person', Beef commented, and Etho only smiled lightly at it.

'What do you think stars are?'

'I don't know.'

As they were talking, a shooting star flashed in the sky, unusually bright, catching their attention.

'All of the dreams someone had have burnt away.' Etho quietly spoke, as Beef stared at the star diminishing in the sky. 

He looked up at the star too, but his line of sight soon fell, falling onto Beef, who appeared to be affected by the melancholic atmosphere around them.

After a long time Beef pulled himself back from his mind. He turned and looked at Etho, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

'Let's go back. I feel like we're getting closer and closer to insanity.'

They didn't talk about expired dreams and shooting stars for the rest of the evening, but when Etho stood up from the lounge where they were hanging out and heading towards his bedroom, Beef grabbed his wrist.

'Etho, I have an answer for what I think stars are. They're alternate Earths where people live different timelines, and we're just one Beef and one Etho out of millions of Beefs and Ethos.'

Etho chuckled. 'You are indeed getting closer and closer to insanity.'

But inside he wondered whether there is a star on which an Etho and a Beef lived happily ever after.

He continued to wonder whether there was an Etho-and-Beef-happily-ever-after universe long after he should be asleep, along with the reoccurring conspiracy about the Goatfather, along with a sudden disturbance of a pigeon flapping outside his window, a little scroll tied to its leg, its wings beating the glass panes with strong determination of completing the mission of notifying Etho.

His heart jumped to his throat immediately. Something happened in his kingdom, it's a bad thing, it's an emergency, it's almost definitely disastrous.

He flipped up from the bed, opening the window to let the pigeon in while hurrying with changing into his king attire, the cold wind blowing in from outside while he was changing making him even more awake than he already was.

It had been a long time since any unplanned events regarding the King has happened, not to mention one that was bad enough for the people to 'wake' him at the middle of the night, and, along with the entire Beef and Goatfather deal, Etho almost forgot what his actual responsibility was. He threw the mask on, the last part of his attire, and untied the little scroll from the pigeon, unrolling it.

'Your Majesty, the tailor in town was murdered.'

He kneeled next to the corpse, his cape draping over him on the pavement. The tailor was indeed dead, his expression that of distorted horror, as if he saw satan before him when he died. They were on the street right in front of his workshop, the people surrounding them in a big circle, afraid to approach the Ice King or the corpse, staying far away.

There were no visible wounds on the body, not under the streetlight surrounded by darkness. No signs of poison as well, no signs of suffocation, it's as if the poor man should've been alive but was somehow not.

A chill ran down Etho's spine. He knew exactly how the tailor died by now, he had killed people in the same way, the knowledge only made it more unsettling.

Power of a Perditrix. And he didn't do it.

He stood up, scanning around at the surrounding streets and buildings, his glances like a piercing laser blade. People were scared, people didn't know what happened, some already dissipated from the watching crowd back to their safe homes, some still there, scared but curious.

The Goatfather wasn't to be seen.


	14. Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it has been long since I last updated  
> Hopefully it won’t be the case for future chapters I will try to squeeze in more time for writing I to my schedule XD

He failed. He failed to protect his people, he failed Stress who trusted him to take over the reign, he failed himself who had sworn to fulfil every single one of his duties as the king.

All because of the Goatfather.

Reasonably his thoughts would be to blame Beef for existing. Actually his thoughts were filled with worry about where the Goatfather currently was, whether he was on his way harming Beef, whether Beef was safe.

He sighed.

‘Go back to your houses. Starting from now, all people entering and exiting the borders needs a written permit given by me and only me. Starting from next evening, curfew over the entire town from nine to six.’ 

The secretary that had just hurriedly arrived scribbled down Etho’s words, but paused when he heard the next line, his expression of disbelief.

‘...and the Yule Ball will be cancelled this year.’

‘But Your Majesty the ball has never been cancelled in the recorded history of our kingdom...’

‘For safety of all the people.’ Etho cut him off, impatience already brooding on his face. ‘Now go and post these announcements across the town. I will take care of this unfortunate man.’

The secretary bowed and left.

‘...and take care.’ Etho watched him heading towards the main street, then waved his hand, a hemisphere of softly glowing, almost invisible barrier formed around the dead body, the lights shifting slowly, becoming brighter and brighter, but never overwhelmingly bright.

Etho took a deep breath in. In the cold breezes of midnight, his hair tried to escape the confines of the string of his mask, but failing to do so, until he grabbed the mask off of his own face rather violently, not careful with his actions, almost breaking the string. 

He kneeled down, exhaled, and whispered, although no one alive was there to overhear.

‘I’m sorry. But at least this won’t hurt.’

He pressed his palm onto the hemisphere of energy, and, within the split of a second, closed his fingers in, forming a fist. The barrier was gone, or rather, all crumpled up like plastic sheets in his fist, all of a sudden taking a physical form.

Etho stood up and summoned his sled without taking another look at the dead tailor, who appeared even paler, as if whatever remained in him after the last bit of vitality departed, and, suddenly, dissipated into absolutely nothing.

Within minutes, Etho was at the door of Beef’s bedroom, holding his breath, trying to listen for any sound of Beef that proves that he was safe and the Goatfather hadn’t visit the castle during his short absence.

He was.

The biggest stone hanging above his heart was finally lowered. Beef was okay.

But he still failed his duties nonetheless.

He went into his study, and sat there, staring blankly into the wall. The crumpled sheet of memory stored away in a box, the King’s attire dusted and hung in the closet, the distraught Etho in the large armchair, hugging his legs.

It had crossed his mind on his way back to the castle that if he hadn’t kept Beef initially, if Beef hadn’t stumbled across this place, if he hadn’t provoke the wrath of the Goatfather in the first place with that pointless prank, the poor tailor won’t die, everything would be good and secure.

The ideas of one of the reasons of his kingdom’s misfortune and the Beef he knew didn’t line up, and it was driving him insane.

Images flashed through his mind. Beef staring at him with a fond smile, Beef calling his name then saying ‘nothing’, Beef tucking a poppy into his hair and telling him he looked adorable.

And the look of horror on the tailor’s face, how he had been talking to him and Beef merely weeks ago but was nothing now, how he would have a nice peaceful life in front of him if not for the murder, he might fall in love, he might have a family, he might have children, he might have a future.

Dawn crept up the grand windows, Etho didn’t quite notice. The imageries battled in his mind, the duties he swore to the world that he will fulfil, the safety of Beef he swore to himself that he will keep.

Dawn soon crept past his windows, and brightness followed. The said brightness soon was dimmed by a shadow, and Beef entered, Etho didn’t even realise he left the door open.

‘You okay? This is an early time to be up.’

Etho looked at the usual morning Beef at the door, more calmly than he himself expected.

There is no point in hiding anything away from him in any cases. He deserves the information.

‘The Goatfather murdered that tailor in town last night.’

Beef fell silent, halting his steps in the middle of the room. 

After a long pause, he spoke.

‘That was why I left last time.’

Beef also appeared calmer than Etho expected, so calm, that Etho was scared.

‘Etho, I really should have left. Maybe the only solution is that I need to pay my price for the prank I did. Maybe he knew he couldn’t get me with you protecting so he’s trying to force you to give me up.’

Beef swallowed, looking up, staring right into Etho’s eyes.

‘And you probably should do that. Who knows, maybe he’ll massacre the town, we can’t interpret his thoughts with our sympathetic nice people minds.’

‘Etho... I need to die, that’s what he wants. And then it would be as if nothing had ever happened for you and your people.’

Etho was going to speak, but his mouth failed him. He was trying to say, no, I’ll protect both you and the people, I’ll fight him, I’ll kill him before anything else could’ve happened, but he physically couldn’t. The clashing imageries no longer bothered him, he simply knew that no matter what the logical answer is, he could not let go of Beef. He was simply not capable. 

He managed to shout at the last second when Beef was closing the door behind him.

‘Beef don’t-‘

He heard him sigh.

‘I did promise you to not leave didn’t I.’ Beef paused, not looking at Etho, but he could hear the conflict, the grief, the unwillingness to leave in his voice.

Etho had stumbled his way across to Beef by the time the latter finished speaking, practically throwing himself into Beef and not letting go.

‘What made you think that I can allow you to die. You. Out of all the people. You.’

He looked up at Beef’s face, just like when he retrieved him from the tundra wilderness, but this time without tears in his eyes.

‘We can solve this. We don’t have to sacrifice anyone. You can be safe. The people can be safe. It’s possible.’

Beef could be safe. His people could be safe.

He never said he could be safe, as if he knew.


	15. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, was physically sick for a while, so take a filler chapter while I work on the drama

And so Beef stayed, but making him less guilty was still an effort, especially when Etho himself was feeling the same. These two were nice people; nice people have nice people problems.

And nice problems, although equally hard to deal with, normally results in a rather warm, comforting ending. Like this one.

‘... just, let’s make a promise that neither of us will bring this up again, alright? What happened had happened, and we’ll be more aware and careful.’ Etho sat on the couch in the lounge room with Beef, on the day of Christmas’s Eve, a cold but cozy evening.

‘Okay.’ Beef answered affirmatively. Before Etho could say anything more, though, he added, seemingly of a totally unrelated topic.

‘Etho, how long would I stay with you?’

‘You said you’d never leave. So why?’

Etho suddenly seemed nervous. Yes, he had almost lost Beef twice, all so recently, and this question made him tense again after so much efforts spent to calm himself down.

‘I would never wish to leave, but... Etho... We’re not particularly okay with trial-and-error when it comes to a time as long as forever. You are a king, you are responsible for a kingdom, for countless people, and you know it better than I, there’s no margin of error. On the other hand I am not a king, I am just an ordinary man, and I tried things... and I almost died. A lot of times.’

‘Etho, I can be here for a year, two years, three, five, maybe ten years, but eventually... we need to face it. I can’t stay forever. Forever... forever can be defeated by many things.’

‘But you want to stay. You want to be with me.’

An even more intent glow appeared in Beef’s eyes as he bit his lips, seemingly having a battle taking place in his mind.

‘I absolutely do. In fact... Etho, imagine a world where there’s no magic, no evil sorcerers trying to murder people...’

Etho thought he knew where Beef was going with it, but it turned out he didn’t.

‘...and I can be the one protecting you.’

He sighed. ‘Just look after yourself for me, and I’ll be more than thankful.’

‘...seriously you have to mock me now?’

‘No I’m not mocking you I mean I...  _ I mean I will probably end up dead for you so all I wish for is you to be safe after I can no longer protect you...  _ never mind.’

Etho almost said his thoughts out, but managed to realise and stop at the last second, halting at ‘I mean’.

‘But if I’m a different person would you still care so much about me?’ Beef didn’t interrogate the ‘mockery’ further, but asked another question. He sounded half serious, and it was apparent from his face that Etho could potentially disappoint him in his answer.

It was almost like he was suggesting some idea.

Etho looked back at Beef. There was no way he didn’t notice the change in atmosphere, but he managed to stay unaffected, at least on the outside.

‘I don’t know. What makes you  you ?’

‘What do you think makes me me?’

The clock in the corridor sounded ten, conveniently giving Etho an excuse of not knowing how to answer.

‘It’s too deep of a discussion for Christmas’s Eve. Let’s talk about lighter topics, shall we?’

‘Sure. So, ummm, what do you plan to do tomorrow on Christmas Day?’

He immediately regretted changing the topic.

‘I... actually I haven’t told you yet but I’ll be away for a few days.’

Beef had disbelief written all over his face. ‘You just asked me to not leave and you’re leaving?’

‘I’m sorry... I’ll be back in a week or so. It won’t be long. I’ll be back.’

Beef suddenly sounded extremely serious.

‘Etho. Look at me.’

He did so, staring right into those blue, blue eyes of the taller man, trying hard to not drift free in them. His expression was still calm, but inside, a flood ran free. Those eyes. He couldn’t possibly lie to them, or reject them, or even run away from them.

‘Is the trip dangerous?’

‘......no. I’m strong enough for anything that might happen.’

‘Don’t lie.’

It was like Beef could stare right into his soul, and he never knew it before. He sat there, still calm on the surface, but the flood ran faster and faster as Beef moved closer, their eyes locked, nothing in between them.

‘Etho, is it dangerous?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you have to go?’

Etho fell silent.

Does he have to go? Even if he doesn’t know the art of healing, they could still be safe and sound, Stress didn’t want him to try it anyways, and leaving Beef and the kingdom meant that the Goatfather might have a chance during his absence. He could put a bound on the castle, but the entire kingdom... not really.

But if he doesn’t at least try, then once accidents happen, there’s no way of regretting. If Beef got hurt badly, if the Goafather managed to hurt him, and he couldn’t even try to heal him....

‘I have to go.’

‘What about me?’

‘You just stay here in the castle, don’t go anywhere, wait for me. You’ll be safe.’

Beef didn’t ask anything else. He simply looked away from Etho, and it hurts Etho way too much to be able to be calm as he was. Carefully, he shuffled even closer to Beef, the tone of his voice softening down with the motion.

‘Beef, I’m sorry... But it’s not like I won’t be back, alright?’

‘But you said it’s dangerous.’

‘I promise nothing bad will happen. It will all be in control.’

‘Etho?’

‘Hm?’

‘I want a hug.’

Etho froze for a split second, his face abruptly heating up. Just like when he first interacted with this person with such a different personality to himself and how he gradually learned the way of being with him, he learnt how to control his expressions and feelings after the ineffable emotion arose in him. 

But sometimes it gets out of control.

He let Beef pull him over into his arms, his heart racing rapidly.

_ Stop. This is not a moment for this. He’ll notice. Etho. No. _

But he couldn’t control anything. It’s like he had his entire body paralysed but relaxed, and it was just a reflex to wrap his arms around Beef, pressing himself against him. Warm, reassuring, bittersweet.

‘Beef? Remember when you said forever is easily defeated moments ago?’

‘Yeah?’ Beef’s voice came from above his head, as he grinned, tightening his embrace.

‘I challenge that idea. I say let’s make forever last forever.’


	16. Stage

Beef woke up earlier than he usually did, but of course, Etho was already nowhere to be found in the castle.

So, life without Etho starts. He took a deep breath, got dressed, walked downstairs, made breakfast, all without really thinking.

And after those he was at a total loss of what to do. What to do after breakfast? Lunch? But he just ate. Walk Alberta? But the protection bound Etho left only applies to the castle itself and not the outside.

He never realised how much a portion of his life was Etho since he didn’t know when. He never realised, life itself in the cold north was not particularly fun, sharing those stupid little moments with Etho was the fun part.

The aurora wasn’t that beautiful, waiting for it with Etho was. The poppy field wasn’t that vibrant, the singular poppy tucked in Etho’s hair was. Walking along the creek at evenings wasn’t that calming, walking along with Etho was.

Etho.

That was all.

He laid on the floor of the empty grand hall, if it weren’t for the incident there would’ve been a Yule Ball last night, but now there weren’t even a Christmas tree.

Etho.

He tried to clear his mind.

Etho walked along the river towards the empty, uninhabited tundra, as he always did when he leaves for Central Hermitmania. His mind was surprisingly Beef-free, only the very current events and the very close future.

And the shadow that appeared out of nowhere, casting from behind him.

He didn’t panic, get overly excited, or even be startled like he imagined, or the source of the shadow thought he would. He simply turned around and stared right at the tall man, no fury in his eyes, simply a coldness that could almost freeze souls.

‘It would be smart to not walk into me, you know. Apparently you’ve had enough of living.’

‘Nice confidence.’

Etho didn’t say more. He didn’t know why the Goatfather showed up when himself knew that he was searching for him, there could very well be a reason behind it, a plot, a trap he wasn’t aware of, but the desire of ending the very source of all evil was too strong.

Even if he himself dies in the process, he wanted to kill him. Right here. Right now. Kill him, and himself and Beef would be safe.

But one sentence stopped all.

‘Oh please end me. Then Beef would irreversibly die and you’ll regret your life and I would have been dead a long time ago, knowing that revenge has been done.’

He abruptly halted his actions at the mention of the word ‘Beef’.

This simple standoff escalated into a mind game in no time. Etho pretended that he didn’t believe a single part of it, although inside, he was processing everything through rapidly, ‘irreversible’, ‘revenge’, ‘end me’.

‘Goatfather. You know you’re the singular threat. So what are you trying, scare me into letting you go?’

He stared right into the Goatfather’s eyes, if it was any other people he was facing, the lethal sharpness piercing through those heterochromatic eyes itself would scare the opponent into fainting. The Goatfather, however, didn’t even care.

Not confidence as in ‘you can’t possibly hurt me’, but simple nonchalance, like life and death didn’t matter for him.

‘Ah yes, you may kill me and I wouldn’t be able to murder anyone directly anymore. But have you thought of one thing,’ the Goatfather’s green, evil-brooding eyes almost lit up at the mention of the next word, ‘have you thought, that I cursed Beef. I cursed him the moment I discovered he tricked me. I could’ve ended him right there, yes, but what’s the fun?’

‘Congratulations. You are the greatest supervillain of all times.’

Etho squeezed the words out of his gritted teeth, under his threatening facade the wrath and fear boiled. Wrath towards the Goatfather, fear for Beef’s safety.

‘I know right? Now, I’m here to tell you there can be a different ending.’ The Goatfather tilted the corner of his lips upwards, a friendly expression that was for some reason diabolical. He lowered his voice a bit, as Etho fixed his eyes on him, not wanting to admit that he was paying the fullest attention he could to the Goatfather’s words.

‘Beef has to kill me. By himself. The only way to end the curse. Yeah, I know, technically possible but actually impossible. But I know he’d try and I know this would be interesting.’

‘Why would you tell me any of this? What’s the reason for you to come to me and tell me how to destroy you?’

‘I thought you’re smarter than that.’ The Goatfather seemed to be full of sarcasm, but at the same time some emotions were blended in his tones. Actual, human emotions, even though just the tiniest bit, but still detected by Etho.

The Goatfather. Emotion. That was not a combination he thought he’d see, but the Goatfather didn’t give him too much time to process any of these before he resumed speaking.

‘I don’t care about me anymore. I just want those that betrayed me suffer. I just want vengeance. I want to see it happen even at the cost of my own life. Beef... he gave me false hope. He made me think that I could reunite with what was the only living soul I had that could accompany me. The moment I realised he was tricking me, I gave up hope on even trying to be nice.’

‘Etho. The Ice King. You know as well as I do about how we acquire our powers. We witness our loved one die in front of us, the more brutal the death the stronger the power. Needed that reminder?’

‘After the love of my life got devoured by the ocean right in front of my eyes, I didn’t have anyone anymore. I was nineteen, I was alone, I was scared of life. And after I spent years to readjust everything, I had my only companion taken away again. That dolphin. Tugger.’

‘Yes, Beef didn’t kill him, I suppose. But the feeling of having the door filled with your only hope and light close on you... I assume you understand that feeling. If you don’t then you can watch Beef die in front of your eyes later and you will. Or who knows, maybe you don’t even love him as much as I loved my pet.’

‘Etho, I wasn’t a villain. I was just like you. Born just to have miseries upon miseries, but always sought for the light. That is, until I lost hope in life.’

‘Yeah I know all you care about is Beef and not me and I probably haven’t evoked the compassion in you. Anyway,’ the unfitting sadness and nostalgia disappeared from the Goatfather’s face as he pulled out his diabolical grin again, ‘good luck. I’m interested to see all the useless attempts of you two. It sure will be fun.’

The Goatfather had left for a while already, but Etho was still standing there in the empty snow land contemplating everything.   
  


_Who was the actual villain here? Most definitely the Goatfather, he destroyed Beef’s life, and if it weren’t for me, he would’ve been long dead._

_But am I innocent? Is Beef innocent? Are we really the protagonists in this one hell of a stage?_

_The Goatfather, I myself, we Perditrixs... we are meant to have seen all obscenities and lose faith in humanity, can I really blame him? If Stress hadn’t saved me after my parents were murdered, if she hadn’t looked after me and teach me that love exists, what would I have become? Would I twist the head off of the one that stabbed my mother right in front of my eyes? Would I slaughter his family as a pointless revenge?_

_I would, wouldn’t I. Of course, I was also destined to be evil._

_The Goatfather was an unfortunate soul, want to admit or not. He could’ve become me, he could’ve been a nice person and have a nice life..._

_But I have chosen my path, and he had chosen his. Am I the absolute saint, no. But for Beef. For his future._

_For our future._

_Anything. Even it means that I am the devil too._

He continued on towards his direction in the blizzards.


	17. Rationality

‘Of course you actually came.’ Stress forced out a smile as she opened the door for Etho, ‘and I’m guessing that you have not changed your mind.’

Etho dropped off the backpack on Stress’s floor. ‘I haven’t. And I planned for whatever the length of stay it might require.’

Stress sighed. ‘Alright. Well it’s around noon and I assume you haven’t had lunch yet, so let’s eat first.’

‘Or maybe let’s get straight into it-‘

‘Etho,’ Stress cut him off, a rare seriousness in her voice, ‘I want to chat a bit with you. I need to know what made you make this decision. Lunch first.’

Etho buried himself with the raviolis, hoping in vain that as long as he doesn’t speak, Stress won’t notice him. Needless to say that was not what happened.

‘So I would only assume that there’s someone you’re doing this for, right?’

‘...yeah.’

‘Mind tell me the story?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘I already realised that.’ Stress sounded more authoritative than she ever did.

‘Stress I promise I have thought this through and I’m old and mature enough to make my own life decisions...’

Stress simply stared at him without saying anything, her large, innocent and amiable eyes somehow having the power to make the Etho himself quiet and not persistent.

‘It’s just complicated, I don’t know how to start...’ Etho absentmindedly scratched his head, looking anywhere to avoid Stress’s stare, the way too long silver hair tangling into a bird’s nest. 

‘Anywhere. I’ll figure it out.’

He looked back at Stress, who was looking at him encouragingly.

‘So umm... I... fell in love with someone... and...’

Stress sighed. ‘I sort of understand why now although I still don’t know the actual story. And as much as I don’t want you to do this... I have to say, you made the right decision.’

Etho’s eyes suddenly lit up. ‘So that’s a yes?’

‘...sure.’

The big, time-worn vase filled with fresh flowers sat in the center of the room, Stress on one side, a basically inanimate, half-dead rabbit on another, Etho observing right next to Stress.

‘Wait so are we murdering animals for the lesson...?’

‘What? Oh no I got these from a local farm. They’re all ill or injured and they’re going to die soon regardless. Anyway, watch me.’

A cloud of faint magenta rose from Stress’s palm, circling but not dissipating, as she fixed her eyes on the rabbit. One of the flower’s petals trembled as if a breeze blew past, then more petals started trembling, a strange yet beautiful sight.

Etho paid close attention to every single action Stress did.

Then, abruptly, the little cloud floated towards the rabbit, surrounding it in magenta, then disappeared seemingly to nowhere. The petals fell from the flower, some balanced on other flowers below it, some on the floor.

The rabbit’s ears twitched. Its eyes opened, then, realising that there are people near it, it sprinted out of the room faster than Etho’s eyes could capture.

‘Like this.’ Stress picked a petal that dropped onto her shorts, ‘it’s alive again.’

‘That’s... so cool.’

Etho was still not over the shock of seeing Stress handling life. Sure, he could end life like nothing, but the art of healing... well, what he never had he always found mesmerising.

‘So I focus my thoughts on the thing I want to heal and the thing I want to drain vitality out of. It works really simple. You can do telekinesis right? Just like that. Focus. That’s all.’

Etho tried. He picked up another rabbit that has a wound on its hind leg, and focused his mind on one of the flowers and the rabbit.

_ Focus. Drain the flower’s vitality to the rabbit. Just like telekinesis. Simple. _

The problem wasn’t even that he did everything and it simply didn’t work. The problem was him failing to focus. He kept envisioning him healing Beef, and when he successfully swept that thought out of his brain, it was the Goatfather’s word of ‘I cursed him’ and ‘he needs to kill me himself.’

It was still not particularly clear to Etho about what is the ultimate solution to all this, how to make it possible for Beef to kill the Goatfather, everything.

He knew that once he learnt healing - which he had an illogical confidence in that it’s going to happen regardless of what history told him - he could make sure that Beef doesn’t die of the curse, easy, he would simply constantly heal him. But to end the Goatfather...

‘Stress? Can you drain a... person to heal?’

‘Draining plants is the easiest and I suggest you to do that first. But yes you can.’ Stress didn’t have any suspicion in her voice, taking Etho’s question as pure curiosity,

‘Alright.’

He went back to trying to heal the rabbit, and this time he focused slightly better.

  
  


Evening. Etho sat on the top of the glass rainbow Stress constructed a long time ago, staring at the sunset. This was, surprisingly to him, the first night he was away from Beef since they first met. 

He thought of Beef.

_ Is Beef watching the same sun set as I am? Is he thinking about me as well? Does he miss me already like I miss him? Will he... oh my god Stress fell from the sky. _

‘Well, err, awkward landing, hope I didn’t scare you... yeah.’ Stress folded her elytra behind her back, as she sat down beside Etho, her legs dangling down from the edge of the rainbow. ‘Thinking about her?’

‘Her?’ Etho turned around, confused. Stress raised her eyebrows, a ‘you know’ smirk on her face.

‘...oh no apparently I’m gay so thinking about him. Yes.’

Stress seemed less surprised that Etho thought she would. 

‘Ah. So how did you two meet?’

‘You’re not even surprised that I’m gay?’

‘It’s not like you ever showed interest in girls... I’m more surprised that you have the ability to fall in love in the first place. Anyway, story?’

‘Fine.’ Etho rolled his eyes, but a relaxed grin was prominent on his face. ‘There isn’t that much of a story though. He had to stay in the castle for safety reasons and we hang out a lot and it just happens that he’s the one.’

‘And how long have you two been together?’

‘Around three m- actually no.’ The relaxedness disappeared from Etho’s expression, replaced by a lost and melancholic look. ‘I don’t even know if he loves me back yet.’

Stress’s relaxedness disappeared too the moment she heard the words, her tones now full of disbelief and almost anger.

‘Etho. You’re stupid. I told you a million times you might actually die from trying to do this and it turns out that it’s for someone that might not even love you... I don’t know what to say. You’re stupid.’

‘You said I made the right decision. So there.’

‘Yes but back then I thought you... never mind.’ She sighed heavily, and Etho was sitting on the side like a kid watching his teacher lose her temper and sending him to detention.

‘Stress...’

‘Have you thought of the possibility that he’s using you?’

‘He won’t.’

‘What makes you think so?’

Etho fell silent. After a long time, he spoke up. ‘Observations and gut feelings. And I always like to think the best out of people. But also...’

The determination shone through his voice.

‘I don’t care. I am indeed stupid. This entire concept of love is stupid. It’s nowhere near rational, right, but I take it. I love him.’


	18. Paths

Stress still appeared mad at Etho for being stupid. She didn’t refuse to continue teaching him or anything, but still, Etho felt the atmosphere of ‘I’m in trouble’ constantly.

Lesson started again after breakfast. Stress didn’t say a single word outside the necessary, only answering Etho’s questions. Finally, one of them couldn’t take the pressure and it wasn’t her.

‘Stress?’

‘Yeah?’ 

‘I... are you still mad at me?’

‘For being stupid? Yeah. Although admittedly I was a bit touched by your little speech yesterday.’

She still sounded harsh, and Etho was genuinely a bit scared. 

Stress was not like this. She was always... not exactly calm, but never angry, in Etho’s memories. No matter what happened, the most severe expression he ever saw from her was temporary disappointment and that was all.

And apparently she was very upset with him right now.

‘So do you think... that the idea of love was not worth it?’

‘I... no. I actually think love is the singular most important quality possessed by people. That’s why I said you made the right choice when I thought you were mutually in love with someone. I just think that... well, you know what, you’re right.’

She shrugged, trying to appear carefree but not really achieving that.

‘I don’t know who that person is, I don’t know him, but I know you and care about you, so it’s natural for me to think the worst of him, especially when you’re this riskily invested... yeah not all people are a threat. Sorry.’

The answer scared Etho more than if she never said anything. She was not exactly naively innocent but... Stress? Interpreting every single person in the worst way?

‘Woah I never thought you would interpret people... this way.’

‘I don’t normally. I try to think the best of people... who do you think influenced your mindset and made you a nice person instead of the villain you were supposed to be?’

‘True.’ Etho grabbed a bottle of berry juice off of the shelf next to him, handed it to Stress, and grabbed one for himself. ‘Here, drinks. I feel like it’s story time again.’

‘Oh my god Etho... yeah you’re a smart person. Story time.’ 

Stress took a sip from the bottle, and cleared her throat.

‘I just don’t like the idea of one directional love. I used to really love and trust someone too, and that was before I even found you, so, like, more than twenty years ago. I was... sixteen? Or seventeen, around that. Really really young and didn’t know any better.’

She took a second to structure her words.

‘He used me. He was just an ordinary person, and I was not only a sorceress, but a Queen. So... yeah. Personal sad memories. And now you’re in a situation so similar, I couldn’t stop thinking about the ‘what if history repeats itself’ possibility... and yours could be even worse; I didn’t get myself physically in any danger and you’re here risking your life... Etho, this is either pure naive-ness you have or you are Saint Valentine reincarnated. I would prefer to believe the second but... yeah.’

‘I don’t really regret what I did, though. It’s an experience, good or bad. But not an experience that worth risking life and death for. You said you don’t care even if he is actually using you, but I do. I didn’t want my friend and student and heir for more than twenty years risk himself for someone I don’t even know.’

She took another sip, her expression grave.

‘But I’m still teaching you, partially because I want to keep my words, partially because I thought, if someone could get your heart, he must be the best person to have ever existed. I decide to trust him, but only because I trust you and you trust him.’

Etho was silently listening all the way until she finished. ‘I... I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your story I... you do have a point.’ 

‘No, you do,’ She smiled, dusting off the seriousness, ‘I’m sure he’s a trustworthy person if you say so. And I’m pretty certain that he will love you back eventually if not already.’

‘You really think so?’ Etho suddenly leaned forward in his chair, lights shining in his eyes. ‘He loves me too?’

Stress sighed. ‘You know better than I do, right? Think about it.’

He thought about it. It was not hard to recall scenes from memories, not at all. They were just there, impressions of Beef, happy or sad, relaxed or tense, all there.

Beef ruffling his hair with a smile. Beef walking on his side along the creek in the winter sun. Beef hugging him tight, sounds of heartbeats intermingled.

A blush crept onto Etho’s face, noticed by Stress, but not himself. 

She patiently looked at him with a smile.

After all these time, he did it, she thought.

Love. The strongest and weakest. Just like the concept of forever, the concept of love is fragile, broken so easily by almost anything.

But love is so strong a thing at the same time. So strong. Defeats time and space, defeats life and death. All it needs is two people filled with passion towards one another.

Etho could very well be a cold blooded villain, just like the Goatfather. He didn’t.

When life treated the Goatfather rough, he chose revenge, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. 

When life treated Etho rough, he chose hope, responsibility, protecting other people from the tragedy that happened to him.

One chose hate, the other chose love.

Coincidentally, for the same person.


	19. Colour

It was already the fourth day without Etho for Beef. He had done everything he could think of to fill his time, including back flipping, wrapping blankets around him and Alberta as a cosplay of a Middle East trader and his camel, and experimenting with sweet berry sauce on grilled cod. He considered sliding down the banister, but then decided he might be too heavy for it. Maybe Etho’s light enough, he thought, he probably works out once per year and if magic’s not a thing he might be the weakest man I know.

And like that his mind wandered off to Etho once again. Every totally unrelated topics, cod, camels, banisters, they all lead to the same path of thinking about Etho.

Without knowing what exactly did he accomplish for the day, Beef went to bed, the fourth night without his companion.

It was cold. Yes, winter in the north is cold, but it was colder than normal. It seemed like his room’s heating system randomly broke. He wrapped the duvet tighter around him, but it didn’t work that well. Without proper heating in the ice surrounded room, literally a fridge, he was soon shivering a bit.

Finally Beef couldn’t take it. He stood up, tucked his pillow under his arm, and walked out towards the way-too-familiar lounge.

At the end of the hallway, before he could go down the stairs, he saw Etho’s bedroom’s door cracked open.

He couldn’t remember whether it had always been open since Etho left. Surely Etho wasn’t back this soon, he would know if this was the case. But no one else could enter the bounds of the castle, right?

With that in mind to keep him less creeped out, he pushed open the door, and indeed, it had been open this entire time and he just didn’t notice. No one, no Etho, no strangers.

But with proper heat.

_ Surely he won’t mind. I mean, I didn’t break my room’s heating system, I didn’t touch a single thing and now it’s somehow freezing in there... he wouldn’t want me to catch a cold too right? _

It was a mistake. Everything reminded Beef of Etho once he settled himself in the bed, to the point where he couldn’t fall asleep easily anymore.

The duvet has a, well, not even a scent, but somehow a reminder, of Etho to him. He buried himself under it, the warmth he lost in his cold bedroom coming back to him gradually.

It’s like Etho’s there with him.

Slowly, but nevertheless, he fell asleep. In his dreams, what’s beside him wasn’t air and more blankets and a pillow, but a man with fluffy white hair and softness in his expressions, curled up by his side like an arctic fox.

He never bothered to think, ‘do I love him’. Unlike Etho, he knew love in the first place and took it for granted. He was surrounded by love, from his friends back at the resort, from Matilda and then Alberta, even from Etho. 

It really did come natural for him, loving someone and being loved, and he never realised how extremely close they were, him and Etho.

It’s like a thin, fragile, almost transparent piece of paper between them, like those Japanese paper windows, and Beef has to take the role of the cat that tears it apart while Etho sits there, mesmerised by the light that shines through, but afraid to approach.

The problem was not Beef didn’t want to do it. Or he didn’t realise the paper was that thin.

He didn’t even know such windows in relationships exist in the first place.  


‘So do you think the problem is the drawing vitality out part or the actual healing part?’

‘I mean, I would guess the actual healing part, right? Since I can... you know, murder stuff easier than others can, so getting vitality out of things would be easy.’ Etho scratched his head, unsure of the accuracy of his answer but really didn’t have a better one.

Stress was not that much less confused, but at least she had a rudimentary idea of how.

‘I was thinking would changing a source help. Like, drain vitality from rabbits to heal another rabbit. Yeah technically draining plants is the easiest way, but it’s probably different for you.’

‘...so how does the difficulty normally go? Like, from plants to animals to people...?’

‘Exactly. And then from people to oneself.’

Etho was silent for a second.

‘So do you think it could be the reverse for me? You said most people struggle with drawing vitality out and I struggle with binding it to the subject, it might be that everything works the opposite way for-‘

‘No.’ Stress cut him off, a thing she hardly ever do to anyone. ‘you trying to draw your own vitality out sounds like nothing but a disaster recipe.’

‘... fine.’ Etho went back to focusing on the rabbits, not really expecting anything.

But the lack of expectation - and random thoughts - seemed to be working. An ever so faint smoke, cold, blue, not exactly light but icy, started to condense around his fingertips.

Not exactly the blue that’s normally correlated to Etho, that’s the blue ice sort of blue, clearer, sharper, signifies more death then life. It looked more like Beef’s blue. His not exactly cobalt blue but still vibrant irises, that blue.

The colour of miracles. Etho just made the first step, small but irreversible, at defying nature.

At defying fate.


	20. Forward

He woke up. Still in Etho’s bed, still in the castle, there was nothing wrong with that.

There were something wrong, though, about the time. The sun wasn’t rising at the large windows, it was bright, it was day, but not morning. Not even noon.

It was already late afternoon when he woke up.

He tried to get up, but his head was a bit heavy and clouded. It felt like he passed out again, and the idea of it sent a chill down his spine.

Since that time where he first had a heartburn, this was the third time. And it seemed like it only gets more severe over time.

He sat on the bed, staring blankly at the wall.

_ If only Etho was here. He sure knows how to fix this, of course, he knows everything. _

  
  


The dramatic irony: Etho didn’t know everything. In fact, the blue smoke of vitality he managed to draw out went nowhere. He was able to replicate the extraction, but the actual healing part, no.

Not that he didn’t expect this to happen. Stress warned him, history warned him, he himself warned him, but still, he couldn’t help but feel frustrated.

‘One last time. If it still doesn’t work, I’ll allow you to try drawing vitality out of yourself.’

And he tried. The blue smoke that circled around his fingers condensed, then flowing in snaky lines towards the rabbit. 

It almost looked like he did it with the fluffy fur hiding the smokes from sight, but it was obvious he didn’t.

Etho looked down, an indescriptible disappointment on his face. Sure, once again, he knew this was the opposite of easy, even the opposite of achievable, but he couldn’t accept the fact that there’s a chance he’ll fail Beef once again. 

There’s a chance that he achieves nothing and returns and, as the Goatfather said, helplessly sees Beef go before him.

He wasn’t omnipotent like Beef believed and still believes. He knew it better than anyone.

He, Etho, he wasn’t enough. He couldn’t protect Beef like he thought he could. There’s a limit to what he could do, and the limit was not high. Not high at all.

‘Stress… I never felt so useless. Never. I don’t know how to handle this… I’m prepared to even sell my soul for this. I’m prepared to give up everything I owned but I’m not prepared for the possibility that I wouldn’t make useful progress at all… I thought I’m good enough...’

‘...do you want a hug?’

‘No I’m good. Wait actually...’ Etho answered almost instinctually, but then paused for a moment.

‘No I’m good.’

Stress stared at her student with very mixed feelings.

He was still the same Etho. The persistent, confident, very introverted Etho. But some things about him really changed. She never doubted his ability to care for people despite all those and her roasts, but she never expected that this very day will come.

No but for real, despite her brain yelling at her he’s stupid for trying to do this with all the possible risks, she was proud of him.

So very proud.

‘Etho, if you’re sure, I’ll allow you to try on yourself. But stop if you notice anything weird that you think shouldn’t happen.’

‘Alright.’

Before Etho lifted his hands to try and concentrate the energy, Stress added, smiling. ‘You’re good enough. You might not be omnipotent, but you have what this takes.’

Her brown, clear eyes met Etho’s glance looking up, hers with a smile and a soft strength, his baffled.

‘No I don’t mean you’re a common sorcerer. Face it, you’re not one, you’re not supposed to know how to do it no matter what the case is. But I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of your love for Beef.’

‘Etho, you already made the greatest progress any Perditrix in recorded history had ever made. That was miracle right in front of our eyes.’

‘Trust me, I know you well enough.’

Etho nodded, and said nothing. He focused back to trying again, but of course, on himself this time.

It wasn’t hard. The blue smokes precipitated around his fingertips once again, as he felt pressure on his lungs and chest and every nerve, faint, but uncomfortable. It was sudden; he was prepared but not specifically prepared, and he almost lost the focus that the smokes started dissipating for a second.

‘You okay?’ Stress reflexively leaned forward, her eyes filled with concern.

‘I feel weird. But I’m probably okay.’

He took a deep breath, staring at the cloud.

Everything could go wrong, he knew it, Stress knew it, it’s common sense. He could fail again, he could accidentally channel too much vitality out and hurt himself, he could upset nature for trying to break the fundamental laws and he didn’t want to think about the possible punishments, even though he was prepared for the worst.

‘Stress, if this goes wrong... I will pass the crown back to you, and please, if I... fail to survive, protect Beef for me.’

Etho looked at her, his fingers trembling, his hair unkempt.

His eyes strong, almost heroic.

He cut off his way back himself, and all there was left was to continue on.

‘Please.’

Tears were already circling in Stress’s eyes, but she forced them back, squeezing a smile. ‘I will. I will take the crown, I will protect Beef.’

With her words, Etho had nothing to hesitate about anymore. He shut his eyes, feeling the vitality fly away from his fingers.

Nothing happened. At least not that he could feel of.

He opened his eyes, scared, not knowing what to expect. The first thing that registered to his mind was Stress’s vibrant interior decorations, and this now very familiar sight made his heart settle a bit. He was at least still alive and well.

Then the absence of a half dead rabbit on his laps. He looked around, and found the very rabbit zooming across the room, trying to get free. That, and Stress, with happy tears on her face, as she threw her arms around him.

He did it.


	21. Lights

'Owww Stress it hurts...'

'Promise me to not overuse it first.'

'...I promise to not overuse my powers of healing... now please release my shoulder why are you so strong...'

'Repeat after me. Vitality cannot be regenerated.'

'...vitality... oww... cannot be regenerated...'

'You will die if you overuse your power.'

'I will die if I overuse my power... and if you don't release me...'

'Cool.'

Etho rubbed his shoulders, still in the reminiscent pain of Stress's unreasonably strong grip, as Stress ruffled his hair as if he was still a child, pretending she didn't almost crush Etho's collarbone.

'Alright it isn't that early, you should probably get going.'

Etho mumbled under his breath. 'why does everyone mess with my hair...'

'Who else?' Stress raised an eyebrow, knowing the exact answer but still asking just to watch Etho's reactions.

He looked away, stammering, a blush creeping onto his face. 'Err, I, you know... Beef.'

Etho is definitely still the same Etho, Stress thought. That blush. A hundred percent Etho when anything emotion related comes up in conversation.

'Actually, Etho, promise me one more thing.'

Etho's facial expression froze dramatically as Stress leaned over and loudly whispered in a half mischievous, half serious tone.

'No I can't I'm not able to-'

'You can die for him but you can't tell him three words. Three one-syllable words.'

'I-'

'Etho... fine. But at least try when the time is right.'

'...sure I will.'

Before Etho went back to his land, though, he visited Matilda.

He used to think, it was a shame that she died like that. He still thinks that it was a shame that she died, but deep down he was feeling what almost felt like jealousy.

At least she didn't have to be responsible for anything.

He traced the words with his finger, 'Matilda'.

A beautiful name. Especially with the element of death now, an even more beautiful name.

When souls perish, they always seemed more beautiful. Maybe it was simply because the irreversibility, how what's lost could never be found again.

There won't be another soul with fluffy light coloured hair and clear eyes.

Ever.

Etho had cancelled Christmas, and that was a literal statement. And, from Beef's perspective of things, Etho was almost certainly cancelling New Year's Eve. There was barely hours left, there were no signs of Etho returning, and there was no point in celebrating alone.

The sky was dark, but Etho had set him a curfew anyways, he had no choice but stay inside in the large but very thoroughly explored castle. All the walls, paintings, all the interior were way more than familiar to Beef, until he suddenly remembered something.

The watch tower is technically also inside the castle right? It just doesn't have a ceiling. That's all. He went up the spiralling stairs, it was quite high and repetitive, leaving him even more time to think random things as if he hadn't thought enough.

Whether Etho's okay. Whether he'll be back within the week. Within the month. Whether he'll ever be back.

He pushed open the wooden door at the top. He thought it'd be locked, but it wasn't. That was unexpected.

There was a wooden bench, just like he remembered, and it was cold. Really cold. No doubt, it was the north, it was winter, it was high up in the sky, it was midnight. Virtually the coldest place in the coldest time he could find.

Even in his thick coat, Beef could feel the chill seeping in. Regardless, he sat down, staring blankly into the starless sky.

He was almost going a bit insane, of course, solitude wasn't that easy to handle, maybe for Etho, definitely not for him.

_Etho. Does he even miss me? He sure expressed how he didn't want me to leave but that's just him behind kind and not want me to die... what am I to him?_

Of course, just like every single time before, he was oblivious to the existence of romantic love.

He was, quite literally, Etho's everything.

A shooting star shone through the clouds. Beef glanced at it, then fell back into his dense, thick thoughts.

_When I was young, I thought clouds only exist at daytimes. It was obvious, there're no white cotton candy floating in the sky in the night. It wasn't until I was way older did I learn there are more clouds during the night than the day. It just doesn't show._

Through the clouds came a glistening sled, what he had mistaken for a shooting star, he didn't quite notice until he could recognise the person on it.

Before Etho could get both of his feet off the sled, he pulled him into an embrace.

'I missed you so much.'

'Beef what are you doing up here... I missed you too.'

Etho didn't try to wriggle away from Beef's arms, even though the hug was so unexpected that his arms were stuck in between them, having no choice but to loosely clutch the collar of Beef's coat.

Not that he was complaining. Not in the slightest. In fact, he hoped that time would freeze in the moment.

They stood there, on the top of the towers, top of the visible world, while nothing mattered to them apart from each other.

The bells from the town chapel rang twelve, a distant, diluted sound.

Beef loosened the hug a bit when the first sound traveled through the vast space to them, giving him space to look at Etho, who looked back at him, with a hint of content smile and fondness that couldn't be covered on his face.

'I did it. I don't have to ever leave you again.' He softly whispered.

There were lights in his eyes. Like the tree string lights they didn't put up, like the fireworks they didn't set off, like the shooting stars they didn't catch.

'Happy new year, Beef.'

The three words he promised Stress to say were stuck in his throat.

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the previous few chapters are fairly short, sorry bout that. I’m currently a bit busy with some life stuff.
> 
> Also, another Beef x Etho book [3020] is out. If you haven’t yet, please check it out <3


	22. Confession

The first thing Beef saw opening his eyes was Etho, inches away, still soundly asleep.

Last night, Etho decided that fixing the heating pipe could wait till the day: apparently it took not only magic, but more importantly knowledge about pipes, which Etho clearly didn’t have. And for some reason both of them forgot about the existence of guest rooms.

Etho seemed to be dreaming, his eyelashes fluttered, filtering the light that reaches his cheeks. The light was from the slit between the curtains, somehow not waking him up as it illuminated the contours of his face, dissolved in his soft, fluffy hair, casted a soft glow on his skin.

Beef never knew waking up next to another human feels so beautiful. It almost feels surreal, the smaller man still asleep next to him, giving him a chance to gaze at him without a risk of inducing awkwardness.

Etho shuffled, moving even closer to him, trying to fit himself into his arms, and there were no way Beef would ever push him away.

It felt like his heart was melting from the warmth. He wrapped his arms around Etho, one hand in his sunlight-drenched hair, one hand around his waist. The latter breathed peacefully, all snuggled up, a scene Beef never expected to see but wouldn’t trade for anything.

This was his Etho.  His . There might be a King that belongs to the entire kingdom, but that had nothing to do with him. The man in his arms was his and his only, no other people on this planet had or would ever share a bed with him, cuddle with him, or be allowed to love him, except for Beef himself.

Of course, in Beef’s mind, that emotion at the last part wasn’t explicitly named love. It was just a concept of a warm, comforting yet passionate feeling, that’s all.

But the idea of having this side of Etho as his privilege still made him feel content, as weird as it sounded.

There was a strong impulsion for Beef to plant a kiss on the soft hair as Etho nuzzled his neck, stretching a bit, seemingly waking up. He didn’t, he knew it’s probably past some unspecified boundary of appropriateness. Instead, he unwrapped and retracted his arms as Etho opened his eyes, still not fully awake, but unconsciously smiled as he saw - or felt - Beef next to him.

‘G’morning Beef.’

‘Mornin.’ Beef rolled sideways away from him a bit, now that they were both awake, he could sense awkwardness if he didn’t move. To his surprise, Etho looped his arms around his neck, pulling him back.

‘I don’t know why are we cuddling but it feels nice. So come back here.’

_ The half awake Etho sure is adorable. _

‘Am I the first person to see this side of you? The very soft and cute side?’

Before Beef knew the question was already out there.

‘Why the question?’

‘If the answer’s no then I’ll probably be very salty.’

‘The answer’s yes. And you’ll also be the last one, so don’t be a piece of marinated steak,  Beef. ’

Etho flipped onto his back, his head resting on Beef’s bicep, an ‘I got you’ grin on his lips.

‘Oh now you’re making fun of my name.’

‘But you’ll forgive me.’

Beef sighed. 

‘I’m not even upset. How can I ever be upset with you.’

It was definitely telling from Etho’s serious expression that this thing they would soon discuss was not something to joke about, despite the lazy, relaxing day they just spent. Beef swallowed, not knowing why he was so nervous. Etho couldn’t possibly say anything that harms him, he just won’t, and Beef knew that perfectly.

But a weirdly nerve-wrecking atmosphere was still in the room.

‘Beef, three things. I need to you to answer affirmatively to the first two, and the third one... you’ll see.’

He also haven’t seen Etho this serious for a long while, making a great contrast with the Etho just earlier that day. It didn’t even feel like the same person.

‘Alright.’

‘Okay. First, please please tell me if you feel unwell. I can fix that and you’ll be perfectly fine, but if I don’t know then I can’t fix it and you could be in danger. Okay?’

Beef nodded, not knowing if he should tell Etho about him blacking out for half a day last time.

He should know it, he decided at last, it helps all of us if he’s clear about the situation.

‘So umm... I blacked out a bit three days ago, but it wasn’t too bad.’

Etho didn’t seem surprised or any emotional turbulences for that matter, contrary to Beef’s thought. He lifted one hand, his palm facing up, and Beef watched the strands of blue clouds coming out of his fingertips with his mouth wide open like when he first witnessed Etho use telekinesis.

He stared at the cloud of smoke, which came towards him and surrounding him, diluting in colour. It seeped into his skin, it was a bit scary for him to watch just because it wasn’t something he was familiar with, but he fully trusted Etho and he could bet on his life Etho wouldn’t hurt him on purpose.

All of a sudden, he felt very extremely refreshed. Like the feeling after a good sleep and a good shower, but not exactly. It was way more than just that, it felt like his entire soul was lifted up a step.

And, most importantly, that feeling stayed. He knew because it didn’t dissipate in a few minutes like that of a good shower would, it was like his entire body was replaced with a new one. Not that the old one was broken or anything, but a brand new one was always better.

He got so excited for a moment that he didn’t see the hint of fatigue in Etho’s eyes. If he did pay attention, he would realise that even the colour of his irises dimmed a bit.

‘Wow.’

‘I know right.’ Etho smiled, the faint hint of fatigue still on his face.

‘So yeah, I can do this pretty easily, therefore please tell me when you need it.’

‘Anyway, back to the second thing. We need to kill the Goatfather. We can’t simply hide away from him anymore. Don’t ask why. Just trust what I say.’

Etho looked even more serious as he continued talking, and it was making Beef even more nervous.

But Etho can solve everything, right? He just needed to cooperate and everything will be fine.

Maybe he could go back and rebuild his resort and invite Etho over after they hunt down the Goatfather, or appoint a manager and stay here in the north with Etho.

Maybe Etho would resign and someone else decent from the town below the hills would ascend the throne, he said he didn’t want to be the king for too long himself. Then they could live in Beef’s new hacienda, and they would take Alberta with them, and she and Matilda would become friends.

Just like how he had never seen snow before, Etho had never seen sand and beach and palm trees before. They would spent their days playing in the waters, sunbathes, surfing, hanging out on the beach with coconuts and music.

Beef’s imagination got astray for a little bit. In his mind, he was already planning the happily ever after with Etho without realising this was what he was doing.

A cliche, fantasy-ish, Disney-movie-like happily ever after. With Etho.

And Etho, once again, pulled his attention back to the conversation.

‘And for the last thing... I’m sorry Beef. I lied to you. I probably shouldn’t.’

‘Matilda died a long while back. I knew it, I was there, I tried to save her but failed, but I... didn’t think this entire thing would escalate this far. I thought my job was only to protect you for a short while and that was it.’

This, right here, marked the start of Beef’s visions of the sweet cliche ending being torn apart.

Matilda, Alberta, Etho, himself.

There goes the Matilda part.

Beef, being the oblivious person, didn’t think too much of this apart from the surface meaning.

Did he feel his heart suddenly twist, yes. But somehow, he felt like it was all very distant. Like it was a thing he was over with. He still loved her, of course, but it hurts way less than even he himself imagined, and what hurts him more was Etho blaming himself.

He stood up and walked behind Etho, circling his arms around his shoulders, offering the closest to a hug he could offer with one of them in an armchair.

‘It’s okay. At least she didn’t die painfully... right?’

Etho silently nodded, tears already falling down from the corners of his eyes. And, finally, he couldn’t hold it anymore and started sobbing quietly.

‘I’m sorry... I wasn’t strong enough to protect her like I can protect you now... I tried...’

Beef pulled him up from the chair and right into his arms, where he felt him hugging back almost immediately, burying his face in Beef’s collarbones. He stroked his back soothingly, telling him with his actions, it’s okay, you tried, it’s not our fault it’s the Goatfather’s, this is what you told me.

‘Beef?’ A muffled voice came from below his chin.

‘Hm?’

‘I... never mind.’

‘Is something wrong?’

‘Nothing. I just wanted to say, umm, I’m sorry it happened. I remember you missing her so much.’

‘I did. But I have you now.’

Etho still didn’t have the courage to say it, despite the perfect settings of events in these two days.

It sure was hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think Etho’s finally confessing his love in this chapter? Yeah no he was confessing his ‘crimes’. But I promise you Beef will find out sooner or later.


	23. Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this might be the last update of October, I’m quite busy rn and don’t know when will the business (ha busy-ness.. sorry again) end.

Time passed peacefully, mainly because that the Goatfather was not hunting them but avoiding, in his own words, observing the play that he staged and they acted.

And that Etho hated. But he had no way but to go with it; he could kill the Goatfather himself, ending his distorted entertainment with his life, but that means he’d lose Beef.

And he would never lose Beef in a million years. 

Talking about Beef, he was doing well, at least physically, and he still wasn’t aware of the existence of the curse as Etho constantly healed him whenever it occurs. 

Etho had been holding up well too, as a Perditrix he had much more vitality to, well, not waste, but use for a altruistic purpose. At this rate, he wouldn’t burn out for another five years or so. That’s how strong he was.

And, much to Stress’s dismay if she knew it, Etho still didn’t tell Beef anything about how he felt towards him. It had been more than a month, January just ended, nothing from Etho.

Etho normally tried to hide in his study, sketching up a plan to defeat the Goatfather, when he felt his heart or blush was going out of control. The plan wouldn’t be simple; they had to find him, Etho had to weaken him enough, and Beef had to kill him.

This did sound a bit impossible.

What’s more impossible was for Etho to do  _ that _ . At least the Goatfather-assassination-plan was logic and power based, these things Etho had a lot.

The confess-to-Beef plan was purely courage based, and this thing Etho had a lot but not for this.

And, once again, now that the straight-forward, unmistakable realisation of he loves Beef was there, it was impossible for him to act natural around the other. 

Every time Beef ruffles his hair, or hooks his arms around his shoulder, or look at him with excess affection. He couldn’t. With his pale skin and terrible blush-control, he was almost constantly a tomato. 

And Beef was either very extremely oblivious to everything or he was pretending to be. 

It was a dilemma, he wanted to avoid physical interactions with Beef but he loved them. He faintly remember waking up in Beef’s arms, the familiar, comforting scent and the feeling of security surrounding him, them messing around for hours before finally getting up. He missed it a lot, but there wasn’t any opportunity for that to happen again.

He was in his study as usual that day, but before he could open his notebook with outlines for plans, Beef walked in rather silently, almost scaring him as he sensed a person standing behind him.

Before he could say anything or get away, Beef spoke up first.

‘Are you okay?’

_ So this is inevitable.  _ Etho shut his eyes as he secretly sighed.

‘Absolutely. Anything wrong?’

‘No. It just felt like... you’ve been avoiding me as if you’re hiding things away from me. And you have a record of not telling me things.’

‘Etho, please be honest about it. Is something off?’

Those eyes again. Nothing particularly special, just blue eyes, maybe a bit darker than average, but for Etho they felt like the entire universe and he was falling into them, off-balance.

He forced himself to stay unaffected.

‘No. Everything’s good.’

‘Etho.’

‘I promise it’s all good. Why?’

‘I felt like... you’ve been avoiding me since you’ve come back. It’s just... weird. Like, now we have no life-and-death business to discuss we suddenly seemed to have nothing to say. And I’m sure that’s not the case.’

‘I... of course I’m not avoiding you, I’m just busy-‘

‘With what that you couldn’t leave it for fifteen minutes to have breakfast together with me? For a week?’

‘...are you mad?’ Etho was a bit startled by the suddenly burst of accusation that sounded a bit harsh.

‘No. Sorry if I sounded mad. I was just worried and clearly you’re still hiding the truth away from me. And maybe also away from yourself.’

Beef thought there were some Goatfather business he was hiding, which was true, he didn’t know that Etho was basically channeling his own life to save him.

But no the reason behind Etho being noticeably different was not that. Etho himself knew what it was, of course, but every time he tried to say it, his guts fail him, and it would always end in ‘never mind there’s nothing.’

Maybe it’s finally the time. But he still couldn’t pick the courage to say it straight away.

‘Beef, what am I to you?’

With the questions came flashbacks, flashbacks of them walking back to the castle from the town, he asked the same question, and Beef’s answer was ‘friends.’

He closed his eyes in mild pain, his hands clutching the hem of his shirt, his knuckles white. He didn’t know where the nervousness came from, but he knew that god he was nervous.

It wasn’t even ‘Beef I love you.’ It was just ‘what am I.’

But he felt like he was anticipating judgement day.

And the silence from Beef didn’t help.

That’s it,  thought him , that’s it. He’s thinking a way to politely friend zone me right now. That’s it.

‘You’re the best thing that ever happened to my life and I was thinking about how to say it but honestly there’s no better words than that.’

Etho looked at Beef when he heard the a bit unexpected words. Although he roughly had an idea of how important he was to Beef, hearing those words from Beef himself simply felt different. It wasn’t explicitly ‘I love you’, but it was enough for him. 

He met those blue eyes again, exerting gravity on him, pulling him in, mesmerising him.

He was so tempted to let himself fall free.

‘Etho... was that what’s on your mind? That you think I don’t appreciate you enough?’

‘Yea- no- I don’t know.’

Beef’s smile was the warmest thing he’d ever seen.

‘Do you want a hug?’

‘I want a cuddle. Is that okay?’

Beef smiled warmly to Etho, who looked back at him not in any particular way but somehow very cutely.

‘Of course. Any time.’

The Goatfather silently tightened his fist, the little piece of dry leaf crumbling into flakes.

They were not taking enough actions, and Etho was even stronger than he thought. This play wouldn’t be particularly interesting if this kept happening.

He thought, he might need to take some more actions.

Just for the sake of entertainment.


	24. Sleeptalk

Etho had a plan. This time actually about their relationship and not some obscure business.

As he was still nonetheless Etho, his plan regarding love and romance was divided into logical subcategories, classified by the five W’s.

Who. Of course.

What. Ask Beef out.

When. This was a obvious one, it’s already February, Valentine’s Day is a bit more than very close.

Where. When Etho thought about this, the poppy field came to his mind first. It was always blooming, always prosperous, that smear of scarlet in the vast snowy mountains never fades. Also it happened to be just past the farthest they went when walking Alberta.

So the poppy field.

How.

This was the easiest and hardest question. Easiest, because it would simply be saying a few words. Hardest, because he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Every time Etho thought of this part, he would simply reassure himself that there was still time left. Enough time.

In fact, so much time that he could attend a sudden conference called by the town assembly as the king.

For Beef, it was just an ordinary day. Etho was out doing his executive business, Alberta was good, Goatfather was not present.

But Etho returned from the town looking very distraught. He didn’t say a thing on the dinner table, or in the evening time that followed, or anything. 

It was those very tense and awkward moments all over again, except this time Beef had no idea what was happening or whether he could help with anything or what.

If he remembered anything from the last time, it was that Etho snuck into his room in the middle of the night because he was scared of the monster under his bed. Well, maybe that was not exactly what happened, but close enough.

About the exact thing happened this time. 

Beef said goodnight, went back to his room, but noticed Etho following him when he was going to close the door.

‘Err... you all good?’

He realised how pointless the question was once he asked it. Etho obviously wasn’t, and it was the bad type. Not ‘today’s work was stressful I need to de-stress’, the very helpless, fragile, even vulnerable type.

The quietness of Etho’s voice proved his thoughts.

‘Beef... can you stay with me?’

Beef woke up in the middle of the night, or rather, almost dawn, as he felt something heavy on his arms. Etho had, once again, used him as a pillow, but this time it seemed to have been a while as he could already feel the lack of blood flow.

Etho was curled up on his side as per usual, head and one hand resting on Beef’s arm. Through the numbness Beef could feel his sudden little twitches and shudders, as if he was having a bad dream again.

It felt weirdly good knowing that Etho needed him. Even though he could do nothing but cooperate most of the times when it comes to problems, at least he could protect him from nightmares and solitude. 

However, his arm was seriously hurting and he had to do something.

He tried to remove his arm from below the other as gently as possible, but the first little motions already disturbed Etho, as the latter’s face scrunched up ever so slightly. 

Before Beef could do anything else, Etho murmured in his sleep, his lips parting just a bit, the words muffled, but to Beef it sounded clearer than thunder all of a sudden.

_ ‘...no I can’t do that... I love Beef...’ _

This was one very contextless sentence, but there wasn’t much to misunderstand. 

Beef froze for a second. After a long while, he pulled the still-dreaming Etho into his arms, this time actually planting a little kiss on his hair.

There wasn’t much he could do for the other, but at least he could make sure Etho could wake up in an embrace whenever he needed one. 

But most importantly, the realisation presented itself to him, finally out of patience for his obliviousness. 

He loved Etho since he had no idea when.

Thankfully and unfortunately for Etho, he had no idea what happened. All he remembered was startling awake from his nightmare, finding himself in Beef’s arms and warm duvets, and, although it was already morning, falling asleep again in this safe, comforting haven of his.

But after all he still had to wake up. He had too many responsibilities to simply fall for the attraction of what he wanted.

Getting dressed, putting on the crown, going off to town.

The lady was already waiting there, as the town assembly chair told him yesterday. She looked beautiful in her elegantly tailored dress, even Etho had to admit it, but it didn’t had a single affect on how expressionless he looked.

People were already whispering and gossiping with each other as he entered, his secretary and the town assembly included.

The mystical, handsome King of Northern Hermitmania and the beautiful, elegant princess from the Lands of the End. It was bound to cause gossips and daydreams, despite the lack of expressions from the king and the disappointment caused by it from the princess.

He didn’t know how exactly did this happen overnight. Why the people had suddenly decided he should have a queen and produce heirs and everything, and how did they simply find the ‘perfect’ person in virtually no time.

He did know, though, that he had no power over his own life. 

He didn’t own the kingdom. The kingdom owned him. 

Etho, the Ice King, his life and happiness were nothing when it came to his responsibilities.

_ No wonder Stress was so willing to resign. _

The princess was still waiting. He walked towards her, as she curtsied and he bowed. Before she could speak, he spoke first, as the surprise developed on her and the crowd’s face.

‘Good day madame. Could you come aside with me for a second?’

She was a royalty with responsibilities too, she knew what was happening in Etho’s mind the moment he started speaking. The people didn’t.

She was following him just fine, but Etho saw the stare from his secretary. Inwardly sighing, he offered his hand to the princess, and she took it, an unspoken consensus of how this was just a show they’re putting up between them.

Admittedly she was objectively flawless, so much that Etho felt sorry for her when he held her hand. If she had chosen any other princes and kings, she would be the gem of their kingdom, but unfortunately for both, it was him.

He couldn’t betray his heart. He couldn’t make himself love her and forget Beef. He couldn’t. It wasn’t possible.

But he couldn’t lie to her either, no, she didn’t do anything wrong, she was in the exact position he was in, sure he didn’t love her but as if she loved him.

She deserved the truth.

When he walked out of the town hall, he noticed a rather unfamiliar face in the assembly. Tall, strange, ominous, hidden in a hooded robe, looking at him with a diabolical grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and I’ll leave y’all on this cliffhanger sort of for the rest of October.  
> Have a nice month


	25. Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I’m back again
> 
> I felt a bit bad leaving you guys on that cliffhanger
> 
> (Also, Sandy is not an OC, she was the llama Beef gave to Etho and she unfortunately died and got replaced by Spitty, if my memory works)

He made sure they was out of sight and earshot from any other people before he finally released her hand and took off his mask.

‘So... I know you don’t love me either, and that’s great. I don’t know why did the council suddenly decide on this, but I can see we’re both unwilling.’

‘I can offer you freedom within the kingdom and anything material that you would like. This is all I can do. If we need to stage a wedding we will, but I promise to not do anything to you.’

Etho paused for a brief second.

‘I’m sorry that this happened to both of us, Madame Alexandra.’

Princess Alexandra nodded, a calm expression on her face.

‘What you offered is very preferable, your majesty.’

‘Call me Etho. Please.’

‘Call me Sandy. Please.’

The response, along with her calmness, reinforced Etho’s belief that she’s together with him on this. She was happy about not having to have anything to do with Etho - which was good - and simple intuition told him that she knew something he didn’t.

‘May I ask what was the situation on your side, Sandy?’

Just another day of Etho being very busy. At least, that was what Beef thought. 

But what Etho did and said last night had planted a seed of unsettling worries. He knew it was something related to his status as the King and he had no business in any of that, but he also knew it had at least _something_ to do with him.

It was either a curious coincidence, or that something really got into Beef’s mind, but he went to the town that day hoping to at least get a peek on what was happening.

He knew well where the town hall was, although he had never been in there, he did walk past it quite a few times. It seemed like it was the most reasonable place for Etho to be.

The closer he was to it, the more doubts and nervousness he had. Etho’s words last night echoed in his mind, ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I love Beef’.

Etho couldn’t do what? And why would it be because he loved him? And how exactly was this related to public, kingly businesses? 

He had no answers.

Would Etho be startled by his presence? Would he even want him there? Was he even allowed there? Was he intruding some secrets of the kingdom that should’ve been classified?

He still had no answers.

Closer and closer, on the snow covered cobble street, his heart faster and faster.

Until he caught a glimpse of the robe he saw Etho wore once, a deep, royal blue, with a sparkly reflection right on it that he could only assume was his crown, and a slender figure in what seemed like a light coloured dress gown, with a less sparkly reflection that must’ve been a tiara. 

And the two appeared to be conversing quite closely, far away from Beef, out of earshot but barely within sight.

His heart stopped for a second. Suddenly, everything made sense.

_ ‘No I can’t do that, I love Beef.’ _

Clearly he was forced to do it in the end wasn’t he. Beef trusted Etho’s words, but it didn’t matter anymore. It happened, no one wanted to see it happen, but it happened.

How could he had forgotten. No matter what they thought, they weren’t meant to be. A king marries a queen, a prince marries a princess. It was their responsibility.

Etho and Beef, or rather, His Majesty the Ice King and the hunted, cursed foreign commoner, they were never meant to be. Never. Never in a million years.

And a second ago he was stupid enough to think that he could stay with Etho forever. Clearly, Etho’s unintentional confession got into his brain, and consumed his reasoning.

He didn’t want to leave and quit, but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t aware that he had no part in Etho’s life after seeing him and the princess together. Princess or queen, who knows, maybe a princess now but soon a queen,  _the_ queen, Etho’s queen.

Not him.

Beef remembered all those times he tried to leave because of various reasons, Goatfather, this and that, everything, and Etho tried so hard to stop him.

All of a sudden he didn’t know who was truly the stupid one, him for being oblivious to all romance related things, true or fake, good or bad, or Etho believing he really had the power over his own life.

In the end, he decided, both of them were.

In that instant even suicide crossed his mind. Etho wasn’t keeping him only because of love, but more importantly because of the Goatfather’s death threat and the concern for his life. And that, was on the premise that he was alive to begin with.

_If I have died, all would be fine. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with me, he wouldn’t have even met me, he could be the perfect king he was, and there would be no Goatfathers in his life whatsoever..._

_ It was all me, I killed the tailor, I messed up his life, I messed up her life, I’m the one that shouldn’t be here... _

Beef wasn’t to blame that he himself forgot that heavy emotions would trigger the curse on him. He didn’t realise that to begin with.

And this time Etho was clearly preoccupied with other people to even notice him slowly lying down on the street, the worn, smooth bricks cold. 

He thought he died.

It was worse. When he woke up, it was the next day, and the Goatfather’s face greeted him.

‘Good afternoon dear not-prince Beef. It has been almost a day and a half, I bet your boyfriend is worried.’

The mockery was the thing Beef needed the least.

He didn’t know where he was at. He didn’t know how he was there, he didn’t know why he was there. But it didn’t matter. With dry, almost cracking throat and a thousand percent of his anger towards life in general, he growled, in a coarse voice.

‘Kill me if you still have the last bit of conscience.’

‘Oh no, you’re my valuable actor. So is your dear Etho. So is his dear Princess Alexandra. Even me. So am I, but with the addition that I’m also the director.’

‘I’m just debriefing you about this.’ The Goatfather was still half hidden in his robe, but the diabolical atmosphere was certain.

‘I don’t think you have forgotten that I hate you. In fact, you think I hate you so much that I want you dead. Right? No, I only wanted to see you suffer, and that may or may not involve your death.’

He leaned closer to Beef, his voice lowering, making it all so more diabolical.

‘Or Etho’s death.’

With one snap, a silvery, half-materialistic goat started appearing, as the Goafather got onto it, the demonic grin still on his lips.

‘Now I would like you to return to the play, dear actor. Return to the king and continue your emotional suffrage. Those suffrages always make a good tragedy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... did I say I felt bad leaving you guys on a cliffhanger? Yes this isn’t a cliffhanger even it’s just straight up ‘bad things are happening next chapter’
> 
> Well so is the last chapter.
> 
> Anyways, I might actually update a bit more in October than I thought so I guess that’s good...?


	26. Poppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh i have chapters piled up so why not

Sandy was staying in the suite that Etho’s royal secretary reserved for her. Etho didn’t mind giving her one of the very numerous guest rooms in the castle, but he didn’t know how to tell Beef about who was she and why was she there and everything. However, this didn’t mean he could just not tell Beef about it. It was a major event in all their lives, after all.

Etho walked back instead of taking his sled, he wanted the extra time to think about an explanation. Sure, there was nothing romantic between him and the princess, but it was still an awkward thing to say.

Being very lost in his thoughts, he arrived at the castle, which was very abnormally silent.

As in pure silence. No sounds of Alberta, nor Beef, nor even wind within the high walls.

Even more worries piled up on Etho’s already heavy heart.

Alberta’s stable was the first thing when one enters the walls through the gate, and normally whenever Etho or Beef pass by she would bleat happily, making the current silence even more ominous.

A single paper note was nailed to the stable fence, the words small, slanted and in cursive, the opposite of Beef’s handwriting, and that left one possibility.

Etho tore the paper down, it falling down onto the floor of the empty stable like a fallen leaf. 

_ ‘I most definitely didn’t accidentally kill her and clean up her corpse.’ _

In Etho’s brain, the Goatfather had already been on the guillotine a thousand times.

There was no point in even trying now. Even with Matilda he had the slightest chance, with Alberta, she was already dead.

All there was left in his mind was one thought. 

Let Beef be fine. 

Unfortunately that one thing didn’t seem too certain with Beef nowhere to be found in the castle.

He searched everywhere. He searched the castle from the watchtower to the basement, he sent out missing person notices throughout the town, he went to all the fields and forests and creeks and peaks. When he returned to the castle, it was already dawn, the sun was very orange behind the mountain cliff.

With no success in finding Beef. 

It was like he simply disappeared into thin air, with no traces of him leaving, even his belonging were all there in his room, the book he was reading still flipped open on his nightstand. There were no clues, no reasons, no anything.

At least last time he left him a note. This time it’s simply ‘he’s gone’.

Did the Goatfather kill him, Etho thought. Probably not. He said he wanted to see them suffer - not die, suffer - and that was the catch they were holding on to for all these time. 

But what if the Goatfather changed his mind? He killed Alberta, didn’t he?

He truly refused to think further, as he felt himself disintegrate, not only mentally, but also physically, the northern wilderness and its coldness wearing him out while he was searching for Beef.

He fell asleep at morning, when the sun was less orange and more white. The cool and sharp type of white, with no warmth and many edges.

It was late afternoon when the Goatfather left. 

Beef stood outside for quite a while. He didn’t want to go back to the castle, not sure if Etho was there with the lady he saw. Even though he knew the most intimate thing they would do was likely just talking, he still didn’t want to see it.

A mix of feelings was in his mind, he didn’t know what exactly. Despair, heartache, or just numbness and nothing else. 

It felt like just numbness and nothing else.

When he finally pulled himself out of the pool of numbness and halfhearted consciousness, he realised he was right on the edge of the poppy field. 

The vibrant scarlet reminded him of Etho. Actually, everything reminded him of Etho, but this especially.

He picked a single poppy and twisted the stem in his fingers. He imagined Etho in his study with that poppy tucked in his hair and a blush on his face, and it only made him realise how long had it been since he himself had unknowingly fallen in love with him.

Beef sat down, watching the sunset. 

A very orange, very warm sunset, colouring everything in coppery gold. Coppery gold snow, coppery gold clouds, coppery gold sky, coppery gold castle.

Scarlet poppies.

Etho woke up when the sun was orange again, like during the sunrise, but downwards.

He was curled up in a painful position in his armchair, and his back was aching from it. His reflection on the window panes told him what a mess he was, his hair flipping to all directions, his hairband dangling off, his eyes red, blood vessels way too apparent even on skin as pale as his.

He wanted to fall asleep again, but he couldn’t. He missed Beef, he wanted him back so much, but he couldn’t pick up a single bit of motivation to go search for him. Not that he wasn’t willing enough, he simply couldn’t recover from all the things that happened.

Earlier that day, he was talking with Sandy about how to get around this arranged thing. In the end, he made her the heiress for the throne. 

Not his fiancée, his heiress. In hopes that now there was a person to take his place, he could resign and stay with Beef. 

He chose love over his kingdom. Over his entire world. Over  the  entire world. He gave up the power and responsibilities in exchange for freedom, and for all he cared, freedom meant Beef.

And now, as far as he knew, Beef was gone, maybe even dead.

The poppy field where his now-only-imaginary plan took place popped up in his mind again. He always considered that splash of vibrant red beautiful, but now it felt like the blood dripped down from his heart.

He stood up, threw on his coat, and walked towards that splash of red, the pathway and the snow and the sky a coppery gold surrounding him, but he knew the poppies would still be scarlet even under the setting orange sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Big things are happening next chapter. I hope by telling you this I get to keep my kneecaps and be forgiven for all the angst.


	27. Stars

Everything was indeed scarlet. A sea of poppies, in the now blue tainted orange world as the sun went even lower. 

Etho didn’t know why did he come here, but something about it felt peaceful, although despairingly peaceful. He wandered aimlessly, making his way through the dense flowers, some petals falling off and sticking to his coat.

He thought he was hallucinating from all the grief, he thought he saw Beef sitting there on the other side of the poppy field. He appeared inanimate, his back facing Etho and his face facing the setting sun, casting a silhouette and nothing else.

Etho didn’t say anything, he was too scared that once he makes a sound his hallucination would disappear. He simply stood there, a distance away from Beef, gazing at the silhouette and the almost invisible sun.

The silhouette of Beef turned around, clearly seeing Etho standing right there, but he didn’t do a thing and simply turned back.

His name escaped Etho’s mouth before he could control it. It was faint, weak, but very audible, as Beef turned around to properly face him again.

‘Beef...’

‘You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be talking to me.’

Beef was acting so distant, speaking without even looking at Etho, and he was neither more nor less sure whether it was all in his mind.

‘What?’

Beef stood up and walked towards him, still just a silhouette in front of the sunset. 

‘You shouldn’t have anything to do with me.’

‘What do you mean...’

‘I saw you and that lady. She looks like a nice person, and I wish you two all the best.’

Beef sounded way too calm.

‘So you know about Princess San - Alexandra?’

‘I didn’t know that’s her name nor that’s her title, but yes I know she exists.’

Beef paused, the silence enlarging itself infinitely in the empty world surrounding them, then dissipating into those fiery petals. His frame looked so much more overshadowing, so much more obsolete, than what Etho used to know.

‘Etho... it really is time that you let me go. You have your responsibilities and I have mine. Yours is to be a good king and marry the right person, mine is to take the Goatfather’s wrath by myself and leave other people alone, away from my mess.’

‘No that’s not...’

‘Don’t be silly, Etho.’ 

‘No that’s not what happened and what will happen.’

Etho grabbed Beef’s wrist before the latter could leave, the solidity of the contact serving a concrete evidence that this was all real, all more than real, all happening, and this was his last chance.

‘Listen to me. It’s not what you think.’

Beef replied with silence, as Etho adjusted his breaths, having only just noticed how fast his heart was beating and trying to settle it down.

‘I made her the Queen.’

‘I know. That’s my point. And I said I wish you two all the best.’

Beef’s voice was painfully calm, like he had no emotional investment whatsoever between them, and it fuelled Etho’s despair.

‘No I made her  the  Queen. I passed the crown to her. I resigned.’

His grip on Beef’s arms tightened, as he searched desperately any reaction in Beef’s eyes. 

He found disbelief, shock, blame, but also a bit of hopefulness, and that little flame of hope was the sole force keeping him alive.

‘You’re stupid. How... why would you do that?’

‘I love you.’

‘You’re still stupid.’

‘Because I love you.’

It was easier to say those words than he imagined. They went out of his mouth without him even thinking, a natural response at this point, as he took a deep breath, tried his best to keep a smooth voice but his next words ended up breathy and almost a sob, fading away.

‘Because I wanted to be with you... please say it Beef, tell me you love me too so I know I didn’t give up everything for nothing...’

They were standing extremely close to each other. Etho was falling more and more off-balance, his desperate clutch on Beef serving as the most support, but even that started to fall faint as the silence got longer and the despair got stronger. He could faintly feel Beef’s breaths on his face in the cold air, warm, tickling, making him want to melt even in the coldness surrounding them. 

He waited, his eyes closed in partial despair. He anticipated with the most nervousness possible what Beef would do, would he push him away, would he kiss him, his entire destiny weighted on the other’s next action.

After what felt like forever, he heard a sigh, then Beef’s whispers, warmer, closer, more intense breaths.

‘This shouldn’t be but I love you too.’

Those words were like an electric current, making his logical mind dysfunctional. He tilted his head up, looping his arms around Beef’s neck to pull him down for a kiss with what felt like all the passions in his life.

His balance was more and more off, as the feeling of electric shock only got stronger when Beef kissed back with almost no reaction time. Beef had his hands behind him, one tangled in his hair and the other behind his back, giving him the needed physical security as he allowed himself to fall deep into the moment.

It was sweet, warm, heavenly.

Nothing else mattered. In that moment he was simply Etho, not the king that may or may not have been a bad king, not the sorcerer that defied nature’s laws, not the protagonist in some damned play. Just someone mutually and passionately in love, that was all.

He remembered what Beef once said, ‘stars are different universes where the same people live different lives’.

Maybe, just maybe, this  is  the happily-ever-after star, he thought.

The Goatfather found it quite entertaining. After all, the higher one goes, the harder one falls. A golden rule for tragedies.

It still hurts a bit, though, to see other people living the life he never got to live, even though it was all part of his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you don’t take my kneecaps...


	28. Queen

The coronation of the new Queen was happening next month, Etho and Sandy were trying to work out a reasonable reason for his admittedly very stupid decision that he didn’t regret the tiniest bit. Beef wasn’t there; although all possible misunderstandings had been cleared up, he still preferred to not coexist in a place where these two were coexisting, for no reason other than it would be awkward. 

‘...So you said he was in the Land of the Ends’ council too?’

Sandy nodded, her expression as serious as Etho’s, if not more serious.

‘He was. In fact I think he still is, I didn’t receive any information about him quitting so far. He was actually the one proposed the marriage in my council..’

‘And he is also currently in my town assembly.’

‘Exactly. What is he known as here?’

‘Let me check the files... Doc M, joined the assembly only a week and a half ago.’

Sandy’s well-kept golden brown hair was falling down from the confines of her tiara, but neither paid attention to it.

‘Steffen, joined my council a month ago. It matches up.’

‘I can expel him, but we need a reason. We can’t let the people know about all this nonsense.’

‘True. I thought you told me he killed a person?’

‘We can arrest him for that, yeah. But don’t expect the prison or some exile document able of keeping him away. He sure will find a way back and mess up everything. That’s his goal, mess up everything.’

‘But it’s better than him sitting in the front row during the coronation.’

‘Also true.’

Etho looked okay, but very stressed. Way better than him a few days ago, but stressed nonetheless.

This was where everything comes together. He was more than certain whatever he and Princess Alexandra do, the Goatfather would be there. He would be there just for his so-called ‘entertainment’, and if this wasn’t an opportunity to end the curse then nothing would be. He would cause turmoils, then Etho - or Sandy, depending on when exactly would this happen - they would have a just reason to arrest him, the guards had no magic, but they never lacked brute force. Then he would try to attack either himself, Sandy, Beef, or the guards, and in any case that would give Beef a justified cause to sent a sword through his heart. Sandy was a sorceress just like Stress, and with these two’s magics and all the guards no actual danger should be able to occur.

Now, this was the best case scenario in Etho’s mind. Everything could’ve gone wrong, and the fact that they didn’t know exactly which part was the flaw was the biggest flaw.

They had no choice but to see how it goes as it goes. 

Sandy already stood up from the conference table as Etho dropped into his own thoughts a bit, quite silently, that he didn’t notice until she spoke.

‘See you another day, then. If you need any help I’m always available but for now you’re still the ruling king so I doubt that.’

‘...Ah yes of course, thank you.’ Etho hurriedly stood up too, knowing he was already not at his best manners by drifting away while conversing with her. ‘Once again, I’m sorry you had to be in any of this from the beginning.’

‘Please don’t apologise anymore. I would be asked to marry some other prince sooner or later, and it really was a bless that it was you whom I can reach a platonic and formal agreement with. It’s not your fault.’

Her composure and politeness, along with her independence and sharp mind, made Etho quite relieved. If this is the person he was entrusting the countless people of his kingdom to, it might be the best decision. 

‘Etho, if I were to have any negative feelings regarding you, I’m jealous of you, and that would be all. There’s nothing to blame you about, and if anything, why, thank you for this freedom you’ve given me by cancelling the arranged marriage.’

‘And I made you the Queen to bear through more confines and responsibilities.’ Etho forced out a dry laugh, the best he could manage but still very fake.

‘You’ve been through enough, you shouldn’t be the one pitying me.’ She chuckled a bit too, but more genuine, or at least it seemed to be. ‘I appreciate your courage. To challenge another Perditrix, laws of nature, then social norms. Those are not things I could do.’

‘Yeah... love can be a powerful thing.’ 

He knew the tones of his voice softened down quite a bit when he thought of Beef and love in general, as Sandy smiled at him, still nothing beyond politeness, but quite warmly.

‘I would really love to help you heal him instead of letting you spend all your vitality, but unfortunately as you said only a Perditrix with the miracle of healing could do it. So please take care and don’t outdo yourself...’

‘Thanks I’ll keep it in mind...You sounded so similar to Stress.’

‘I’ll take it as a compliment. Now have a nice afternoon, Your Majesty.’ She chuckled lightly again, and curtsied to Etho before leaving with two escorts.

Etho was much more relieved. She’ll sure be so much better a ruler than he had been, he thought. He could resign without any guilt, and maybe after the coronation, after he completely dislodge all burdens and facades off of him, he could leave this place and go back with Beef.

Oh Beef. Beef. His boyfriend, his love. He could properly call him his love now, and they would live together, very justified, and they would rebuild Beef’s hacienda and call it their home.

They would have a home. Not just a residence, a home.

They would have a future. All the New Years, all the Valentines, all the fireworks, all the Christmas lights.

He returned to his castle - soon no longer his castle and he’ll move into the new hacienda with Beef and the thought was still making him excited - and found Beef taking a nap on the couch in the lounge.

A smile was already on his lips, but this sight enhanced it, as he went ahead and snuggled against Beef, resting his head on his shoulders, burying himself in the same blanket and feeling the other’s warmth. Beef murmured something intelligible before leaning closer to Etho, all still in his sleep. 

Everything seemed to be going in the right way smoothly. Very smoothly. Too smoothly.


	29. Villain

The Goatfather wandered aimlessly around the town, not wearing his usual robe, but a set of casual suit, now that he was officially known as Doc and was a member of the town assembly. In his vest pocket, an old, yellow photo was half apparent, only an edge was above the pocket hemline. 

He watched people passing by. He saw some young people by themselves, either strolling relaxedly or hurrying somewhere; he saw old couples, hand in hand, walking slow but steady; he saw people in their thirties or so, with their loved one in one hand and their child in the other, with a smile bright as sunlight.

He saw some people look at him confusedly; ‘why would a gentleman stand here all by himself and not go anywhere’.

They must be thinking that I’m waiting for someone, Doc thought. 

_ Of course I’m waiting for someone. I just know he won’t come. That’s all. I’m always waiting, any time, if he ever comes back, I’m here. _

He carefully pulled the photo out from his pocket, as he felt the feelings of tear forming, bitter, almost painful, but he held it back before tears could drop onto the photo.

On it was a young man with a bright smile, a dock and a ship behind him. The man had long brown hair, even longer than Etho’s, tied back in a bun, and sunglasses that failed to cover his radioactive mischief and disobedience.

Twenty years ago, he sailed out to sea with this man, hoping to find a new place, a new life, a new beginning, where their love was permitted and their future was bright. Then what happened shall not be recalled. Then Doc landed on the shore of Jobraltar on a piece of floating plank, and the other was never found again.

He tucked the photo back to his pocket before he could lose control over his tears. When he looked up the the streets again, he saw who were basically his arch nemesis at this point, Etho and Beef, walking past him. They were so focused on each other that they didn’t even noticing him standing as they walked down the streets, hand in hand, fingers intertwined.

He closed his eyes, partly to stop the tear, partly to stop the people from seeing the burning jealousy and will of revenge in his eyes, partly simply because it hurts.

It was no longer about the Tucker trick Beef pulled, no longer about Etho ignoring his authority and demolishing his esteem, no longer about any of them. All those seemed minor, forgivable, now the memories of far before was accidentally awakened by his own plan and pain was occupying his heart. 

It was, simply, may all those who had what he lost burn in hell.

It was like nothing changed for Etho and Beef, but it was like everything changed. They still lived their lives as usual, except now Alberta was gone and they decided against getting a new pet. They still walked around town when they get bored and hang out in the lounge when it gets dark, Beef was still the one that cooks, Etho was still the one that does dishes.

But everything was different now both of them didn’t have to hide their feelings away from each other.

Another normal day, Etho was finishing the last bits of paperworks he would ever have now that he was passing the throne to Sandy in a few tens of days, and Beef was reading a book on the couch a few feet away.

By reading a book, it was more like gazing at Etho for most of the time and occasionally remembering that he had a book in his hand. His thoughts were also not on the book, no surprise, they were all about Etho, as he thought out loud, not realising until the other reacted to his words.

‘...Yeah the happy Etho is better.’

‘Hm?’ Etho looked up from his desk when he heard this very contextless statement, clearly confused, but a fond glow in his eyes when he looked at Beef, warm under the chandelier lights.

‘Nothing. I just remembered when we were... man it still hurts me to even simply  recall you looking so broken and hopeless like that.’

‘As if it wasn’t because someone acted so emotionless and I thought I was mistaken this entire time and he didn’t care about me.’ 

The supposedly sarcastic words sounded somehow very sweet to Beef. The faux blame, the clarity and innocence like the air after rains, the almost flirtatious tone, the fact that it was Etho saying it. He couldn’t control the overflowing fondness in his heart.

‘I thought you knew I love you.’ He smiled, as Etho put down his paperworks and walked towards him, throwing himself comfortably on the couch, half leaning in his arms.

Etho had finally completely dislodged the shell of protection he always carried. From the very beginning, Beef knew that he wasn’t intrinsically distant and cold; he knew that Etho was, albeit powerful, in need of protection. Before he even realised he loved him, he realised he was protective of him. 

And Etho now trusted him enough to be truly himself in front of him, to be shy and cute and constantly in need of hugs, to show his most vulnerable side without fear of being hurt. 

The strands of silvery fluff tickled his face before he felt Etho rolling onto his laps, nuzzling his neck.

‘I guess I didn’t. Mind remind me of that now and then?’

Beef gently ran his fingers across his jawline, as the latter lifted his head up and looked up at him, lights in his eyes as always, flickering, bright, one might even say angelic. Of course he didn’t mind saying ‘I love you’ to those eyes, not once, twice, a million times.

‘I love you.’

A content smile flashed on Etho’s face, as he leaned onto Beef and relaxed, his cheeks a bit pink, and Beef found that tiny shyness absolutely adorable. The blush got stronger as Etho met his gaze and tried to hide his face in Beef’s shirts. 

Even more adorable.

His thoughts wandered free as he mindlessly twirled with his fingers those soft strands of hair, whose owner had now found himself a more comfy position to rest in, half curled up on Beef’s laps, half leaning on his torso, and there was no better metaphor than a cute little arctic fox. 

His thoughts go everywhere all the time. A vast sea of thoughts, clouds, fish, palm trees, fluffy clouds, poppies, roses, tomorrow was Valentine’s Day. 

And, well, he now has a valentine. Just the bare idea of this still felt unreal, the idea that Etho was his boyfriend, his lover, the idea that they were mutually in love, it was like a iridescent bubble under the sun, the prettiest existence in the world but fragile, material but intangible. Beef had unknowingly almost became a different himself voluntarily, soft, gentle, with no more will to commit mischief like the typical Beef and all the will to be an idiot in love.

‘Etho?’

The response was a little hum, and, once Beef saw how cute Etho looked in his arms with his eyes relaxedly shut and a little smile on his lips, it almost felt like a need to plant a kiss on his forehead. Not a desire, an innate need. 

The little smile grew wider as the little kiss landed. Etho wriggled, making himself even more comfortable. ‘Beef, promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up.’

‘...no I remember your complaints about me using you as a pillow, I promise you it’s only a short nap.’

Was it the first time Etho had failed his promises, Beef didn’t know right off the top of his head, but it was definitely the first time where he had no complaints at all. At least he actually didn’t use his arm as a pillow again. 

Also, how could he ever be upset with Etho. 

He closed the door quietly behind him after tucking Etho in, planning to turn off all the lights before he go to bed. After all, it was still pretty early.

Beef never wanted to look at Etho’s paperworks and things, partially for his privacy, partially because he had no interest in them at all. So, when he went back to the study to at least somewhat organise the desk that Etho left halfway through work - definitely not because of him - he had confidence that he wouldn’t take in a single word on any of those sheets. 

This time it was different. Out of all those serious documents and the confusing manuscripts, a scratch paper with his name on it caught his attention. It was not the neatest thing, and at a glance, only some odd words were recognised. ‘Plan’, ‘curse’, ‘coronation’, ‘heal’, ‘plan 2’, the others Beef didn’t read as he very quickly realised Etho probably wanted it private to him like all his other documents.

He didn’t think much of it, but it lingered in his mind, those odd, contextless words. 


	30. Darkness

The words still lingered. Beef didn’t want to ask Etho about it, after all, he wasn’t supposed to have seen them in the first place, but he kept imagining the possibilities, and none of them were particularly bright.

Of course, the word ‘curse’ was in there, along with his name.

And even that wasn’t what worried him the most. It did seem odd and a bit ominous, but how less and less energetic Etho was becoming put an even heavier rock on his heart. 

He never actively joked, or messed with Beef, or anything, anymore. Even when they were just friends he used to goof around Beef, not nearly as much as the latter did, but way more active than what he was now. 

He seemed far from uninterested, his eyes still has the warm glow when he focused on Beef, and he was less distant than ever, almost dependent, a subconscious smile always on his lips when their skins touched. But despite all these, he didn’t seem to be the same anymore.

And that made Beef beyond concerned.

Sandy did not expect Beef to show up alone, at almost midnight, when it was snowing outside, and when he could stay cozy at the castle. It wasn’t an emergency, Beef wasn’t hurrying, and silently waited at the door when she welcomed him into the suite she was still staying at. 

A heavy concern along with some melting snowflakes was on his face as he stepped into the door, not bothering with taking his coat off.

‘I know this is abrupt, and I know objectively I know more about Etho than you, but... there’s something he’s hiding away from me, and I’m concerned.’

He sounded sincere and Sandy knew him well enough to tell he was of only good intentions, but she silently shook her head. 

‘If Etho never told you, he probably doesn’t want you to know. I’m sorry.’

As if afraid for Beef to suspect wrongly, she added, ‘trust him. He loves you, and he knows what he’s doing.’

Beef never suspected that Etho knew what he was doing. He never suspected that he didn’t love him. He was also sure, though, of how Etho would keep things to himself and allow it to wear him down without an outlet of relief. 

It was past midnight when he went back to the castle, and Etho was still awake, of course, he seemed to have forgotten about resting entirely recently. He was still at his desk, not signing or writing anything, simply thinking and staring at the wall.

Beef silently walked over, resting his hand gently on Etho’s shoulder.

‘It’s late.’

A tired smile was dissolved in Etho’s eyes when he turned around to face Beef. 

‘I’m waiting for you to get back.’

Why was there suddenly a melancholic atmosphere in the room, Beef had no idea. What was behind those eyes, at this point he had gotten used to the flicker of scarlet and tried to look right through them, trying to know what was the problem, why did he look so weary.

Etho noticed Beef’s inquiries from the facial expressions, as he squeezed out a bigger smile. 

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Are you... have you been alright?’

‘Yeah.’

Beef knew he was lying once again. It’s too obvious, Etho avoided eye contact with him when he answered. 

‘There’s things you’re not telling me.’ 

Etho looked away, a short silence followed.

‘...Beef, you don’t have to know.’

‘Are you going to hide it away from me forever?’

He tried to sound as soft and not interrogative as possible, but it didn’t come out quite so.

‘Etho, I know it’s somewhat about me. I feel like I have the rights to know. And even if it’s not... still, not taking it all by yourself should be better for you.’

A conflict was clearly going on in Etho’s mind. In the end, he gave up.

‘Sure.’

‘...no but why... there is no point in risking so much in a thing that can fail so easily... how did you know the curse won’t be too strong for you? How did you know you could heal me in the first place? How did you know you could learn to heal in the first place? What if I can’t kill the Goatfather and break the curse? What if...’

Etho smiled rather weakly in a self-defensive way.

‘Which part about ‘I love you’ is so hard to understand.’

‘But still... you could’ve died three times already. And that also means losing me and your life with it right?’

Beef didn’t know whether he was mad at him. There were all the reasons to be mad, but then all the reasons to not be. He felt so unfortunate and so fortunate at the same time, the latter because he now had Etho, the former because he had an instinct that it wasn’t going to last. 

It has gotten to the point where sacrificing one’s life sounded as light and casual as grabbing a random book from the shelf. And he hated it.

In no circumstances he had ever imagined, it would come to this point, where the mere survival of both of them was something to be hoped for and not taken for granted. He experienced death threats from the beginning of all these, but it was never so realistic, so tangible, so near.

There was nothing he could do, and that was the worst part. The part where he felt guilty and useless and where his anxiety went through the roof. All he could do was to listen to Etho’s plan, and now, knowing that the plan had always involved the other’s potential sacrifice, he only felt worse.

He would rather die himself. It used to be an intangible concept, sacrifice and death, and he used to be unsure of what he would actually do. But now that it presented itself as something more than simply tangible but unavoidable, it was obvious. He hated this plan. He’d rather end himself.

But that also would mean Etho’s previous efforts all went to nothing.

The coronation was near, within days, and it didn’t give him too much time to dwell on it. At this point, he could only follow through the plan and hope it ends there. 

He trusted Etho, he trusted Sandy, he sort of trusted himself. 

We can do this, he tried to brainwash his unsettled mind.

After all, nothing was really up to any of them at this point. What would happen would happen, and on a Sunday morning, they walked out of the castle, towards the town church where the coronation was going to take place in a few hours.

If everything were to go well, this would be the second to last time they leave the castle gate, walk past the now empty stable, and down the snow covered stone brick path. The last time would be them coming back and packing up, heading for their new home, and never return.

Beef had never seen Etho in his robe and crown before. It feels weird, this was what most people knew Etho as but it seemed so foreign and off to the person he was the closest with.

A thought flashed through his mind, ‘this is what Etho was supposed to be if not for me’. It made him feel even more guilty, combined with the excitement of the coronation, and the results was somehow an ominous instinct.

Etho didn’t quite notice all the things going on in Beef’s mind. He looked way too calm for how important an event was going to happen, maybe the attire puts the calm and distant aura on him, maybe he was too concerned to behave so.

His hair was the most decent Beef had ever seen. Combed back, the weighted crown pressing it down, unaffected by the wind. Nice looking as always, but the severe lack of familiarity... once again.

They were holding hands as they walked down the road, and Beef’s hand was stiff. 

‘You alright?’ Etho felt the tension, and squeezed out a tiny smile meant to relieve the other’s nervousness.

‘I guess.’

Beef tried to say more as he looked at Etho. He failed.

‘I’m also quite nervous. But I think we got this.’ Etho smiled warmly, and the bit of familiarity gave Beef more confidence and comfort.

‘We’re not early. Let’s go.’

This was the first and last time Beef walked down the road with the Ice King, regardless of what would happen next.

If they succeed, it would be Beef and Etho, a pair ordinary and happy lovers, heading towards a bright future.

If they don’t, it would be...

Who knows.


	31. Dawn

The place was crowded. The town council, guards, people that were curious. Etho was already out of sight as soon as they approached the church, pulled aside by the officials, surrounded by guards.

Beef had nothing to do apart from wandering around. He scanned the crowd briefly but constantly, and he didn’t see anyone resembling the Goatfather. This, according to Etho, was not a good sign overall, but for now that lack of very immediate threat made him relax a tiny bit.

It also had a familiarity to him, the place that the coronation was set in. Grand hall, arched ceilings, coloured glass windows, golden candle stands with ivory candles. It reminded him of his resort and hacienda, the same opulence and even scent. Although the memory of the resort managing life was merely a fleeting reminiscence now, he still liked the familiarity.

Some town folks greeted him, a lot of them already aware of his existence as ‘someone’s friend staying over’, and Beef half heartedly chatted with them about shallow topics, diverting the conversations whenever it mentioned Etho.

On the note of Etho, Beef was already worried about him. He knew from the lack of chaos that Etho was just fine, probably arranging some last minute things, after all even though Beef had no experience in coronations he knew that it’s a huge deal. However, there was no way that he could be completely reassured.

He ended the conversation with the town folks, and wandered towards what seemed like the back room, making his way through the crowd.

A guard blocked his way through the door.

‘Sorry sir, but from this point on you may not...’

‘I... I think there’s a misunderstanding. I’m pretty sure that I have permission to enter.’

Beef was getting more and more nervous and tense. He thought the problem was going to be during the actual action, not before the action, and certainly not before he even find Etho.

‘I’m sorry sir but I have not received directions.’

The guard’s tone did not change. Beef sighed, and gave up.

Etho’s voice sounded behind his turned back just in time.

‘Let him in.’

The guard’s glances scanned Beef over again, still half suspicious, but he followed the order. Beef was quiet until they entered the empty back room and Etho closed the doors, a bit afraid that he would say the wrong things.

Etho also didn’t speak until he he’s gestured the guards to stay far.

‘You look quite nervous.’

‘I feel very justified to be nervous. You’re asking me to murder a person. It’s not like I’ve got some superpower like you or have experience...’

‘Beef, it’s not just for us. It’s the revenge all the other innocent people deserved, and the honour will go to your hand, that’s all.’

Even in the unnecessarily overdecorated attire, an unfitting melancholy glowed in Etho’s eyes. Along with it were confidence and reassurance, the blend of an odd calmness making Beef focused on his words.

‘Matilda. Alberta. That tailor. Countless other people we don’t even know the name of. Everyone needs us to do this, Beef. If we don’t, the list would only grow longer.’

He added, calmly, as if it was of no significance whether it occurs or not.

‘And eventually I’ll be on the list.’

‘What if I don’t make it...? I...’

Etho forced out a smile, the process of acting more and more natural as time went by.

‘You just have to deal the final blow. The guards and I would weaken and control him.’

Footsteps came from outside the door, and Etho halted his words. Beef inadvertently held his breath too, and as the footsteps went farther and eventually faded Etho chuckled lightly to his nervousness.

‘It’ll be fine. We’ll survive. It’s okay.’

‘Etho?’

Beef was trying to put into words all the things going on in his mind.

‘Hm?’

‘Do you regret any of these? Like, if you had a choice to go back to the day when you found me, what would you do?’

‘The same thing but I’d tell you I love you sooner.’

Not a second of hesitation was found in his answer.

‘Sometimes I really don’t know whether it was a good or bad thing that you got into trouble in the first place. If you didn’t, we’d never met. We’d never discover how we are so perfectly fit for each other. We’d never fall in love. And this did mean I gave up my power and status and... literally a portion of my life, but at least what remains is meaningful now.’

‘I now have what I’d lose everything for. I now have you. I don’t see where regret comes into play here.’

Still the stupidly simple and stubborn Etho. He never changed a bit, from the first day to now, never.

Never. Despite the difference between the cold king and the lovable young man, between the quiet introvert and the attention needing boyfriend, never.

‘Beef, I don’t want to miss my last chance to tell you I love you, just in case it doesn’t go as planned. I love you.’

Beef tried his best to focus on Etho, but his imagination brought him away again.

Somewhere in the concept of existence, there were a happy Etho and a happy Beef. Whether it was their universe, or another, or a distant another, but somewhere.

Somewhere, a possibility of happily ever after existed.

He snapped back to the present moment by some point in his train of thoughts, and smiled at Etho, surprisingly relaxed and genuine.

‘It will go well. You said so. And I feel so. We’ll be fine.’

Just then, someone knocked the door, and a guard entered and bowed.

‘Your majesty, it’s time for you to proceed from the room.’

Etho looked at Beef one last time before he stepped out of the room, his expressions once again indecipherable.

Beef’s heart suddenly felt a sharp pain, but it dissipated into nothing in no time.

He sat in his reserved seat, trying to act calm and proper, but inside very unsettled.

Etho was nowhere in sight yet. So was Sandy. But the Goatfather was present, very present, not ten meters away, in the rows of town assembly members, pretending to be just an ordinary official called Doc, chatting with the unaware people with casualness.

And this made Beef feel helpless, and even a bit abandoned. He knew it was all a part of the plan, it’s just that it wasn’t the time for them to appear yet, but he couldn’t help but feel like they left him alone.

The Goatfather, still chatting with people, turned around and glanced at Beef seemingly by chance. The look was both unsuspecting and grim, Beef could bet that it had ‘you will die’ written all over it while no one else suspected a thing.

He saw Sandy enter in his peripheral vision, surrounded by guards, and everything seemed to be as planned so far.

His mind was tense to the point where he couldn’t process the information surrounding him fast enough, and in what felt like no time, the ceremony began.

The moment where everything comes together, where his entire future depended on, it was finally here. Etho was up there, everything was proceeding as normal...

The Goatfather in the front row of the crowd, watching everything as intently as Beef.

Everyone has more or less some ideas about what was going to happen.

Sandy looked composed, but there was a hint of nervousness in here eyes. In the overly glamorous dress, she appeared fake. Not the girl that chatted and laughed with them, not the heroine in their plan, just a generic monarch.

So did Etho. Even those eyes looked different. Beef realised the amount of persona acting Etho had to do, he knew how he was good at it, he knew who he truly was behind the public eye.

But now he doubted it. He doubted everything. The pressure was so overwhelming to the point where everything felt unreal.

A dagger was hidden in his dress pant’s pocket. He gripped the handle tight, the sweat making the grip slippery. The guards had their full attention to the spotlight, and Beef fixed his stare on the unassuming Goatfather.

Silence. Just silence, despite the speaking happening in the center of the room, silence. The Goatfather didn’t seem to be taking actions, the coronation was already near the end, more speaking, solemn music from the orchestra, Etho handing the sceptre to Sandy, and a sound of explosion from within the crowd.

Beef reflexively pulled his dagger out, and so did the guards. Etho clearly also heard that, but Beef didn’t quite pay attention to his actions, but kept his stare fixed on the Goatfather.

The Goatfather didn’t look surprised, or didn’t even try and pretend to be. He did, however, looked like he was planning for more actions.

Etho was not looking at the Goatfather, he was looking at the source of the explosion sound. Beef wanted to shout at him, ‘watch out’, it wasn’t like social code of conduct mattered in this situation of life and death. The problem was he couldn’t, he opened his mouth, but no sounds came out.

When everyone had their attention to the explosion that didn’t even happen, Beef watched, in terror, Queen Alexandra’s face become pale, then gray, her hands grabbing the arms of the throne in vain, her knuckles paper white.

Etho suddenly turned back around as if intuition told him. The guards surrounded Sandy in no time, helping her up, Beef could no longer see what was happening apart from a sudden bright pale blue light beam firing from Where Etho was towards the Goatfather, then splashing off into tiny beads like water. A bead landed on him, leaving a sizzling pain but no marks.

A few guards realised the situation and controlled the Goatfather by force. Both of his arms were in their forceful clutchs, and someone had their hand on his neck, but he didn’t seem to care the tiniest bit.

At the same moment Beef caught a glance from Etho through the people, and he understood it within a second that it meant ‘come here’. He made his way through the crowd, no one cared about keeping this ‘random stranger’ away at this point anymore, and the moment he squeezed next to Etho the latter casted what seemed like a hemisphere of transparent glowing protection around them, centered at Sandy. Some guards were blocked outside, but Etho didn’t seem to care about them

Before he could even ask, Etho spoke.

‘She can’t survive this.’

He sounded terrifyingly emotionless and unfamiliar.

‘Beef, I need you to turn around.’


	32. Sunrise

Beef froze in place. No, the Etho he knew would never do this, never, but it was certainly Etho that’s before him.

He thought he saw a flash of guilt and sorrow as Etho raised his hand high, ready to struck the light of death on her.

Before he could do so, Beef grabbed his wrist out of instinct, and, slowly, brought it down.

‘Etho, we’re not murderers.’

He stared right into those heterochromatic eyes, he wouldn’t call them familiar at this point, just dangerous and cold, but he searched for the bit that he knew well.

And he found it. Behind logic dominated calculations about her chances of survival, the grand plan’s chances of success, the prices he’d have to pay if this or that, he found it.

‘Look at me. I know you’re right, but look at me.’

A glimpse of the Etho he knew was present for a split second, but then it went back to the coldness.

‘If I save her, I’ll be weakened to the point where I’m less useful than a random bystander, and that can’t happen before everything ends... if she could survive just a bit longer, a few hours maybe, I can bring her to Stress and she’ll look after her. But this is not the case.’

‘Beef, I channel my own vitality to heal. If I overuse it, I die. You know this. Half of my life already went to you, and if I give the other half to her, I become nothing.’

‘I already accepted that I probably will die, but not now. It’s not really my life or hers, it’s your life or hers, and I’d choose yours.’

Sandy rested on the throne as they talked, near lifeless, and Beef didn’t dare to look at her. He did, however, pick up the courage to still oppose Etho’s plan.

‘You need me. All the people in this kingdom need her. It’s between you and the people. And, more importantly, we’re not the villains here. We don’t kill innocents.’

Etho fell into indecision.

In the end, he silently lifted his hand, the streams of blue fog - vitality - flowing towards Sandy.

The Goatfather watched silently in the chaos of the guards evacuating people, like a well-behaved audience of a play.

The place was already empty by the time Sandy came back to consciousness, just them three in the hemisphere of protection, the Goatfather still in the front row, and the few guards still controlling him. The noises of people were getting farther and farther away, and in the silence the Goatfather stood up and applauded, the claps from a single person like thunders in the silence.

‘Well played, actors.’

The guards tried to stop him from standing up from the seat, but in vain. The Goatfather only smiled.

‘I will not run away, of course. Please let them release me, it doesn’t feel comfortable.’

To Beef’s, and apparently also the guards’ surprise, Etho nodded, and the Goatfather stretched his arms a bit, the creepily polite smile still on his face.

‘So, actors, we hereby today write the finale. We clear all the cliffhangers up, and we reach a resolution.’

The smile widened.

‘And, depending on what we do, we decide on whether this is an epic tale or a tragedy. You chose Alexandra over Beef and yourself, already an interesting choice.’

Beef felt sick. Etho was holding up well, so was Sandy, now that she was healed a bit. But it was up to him and not these two, after all, he was the only one that started it, he was the only one that could end these, and how confident the Goatfather appeared to be did not help his feeling.

The Goatfather didn’t care about Beef’s reaction.

‘Let’s start.’

‘Let’s start indeed.’

Etho, who had been silent on Beef’s side for a while, spoke up quite suddenly. He clearly was weaker, so much so that Beef would be scared for him even without the Goatfather present, but the aura of authority, determination, even righteousness and justice, the aura never faded.

‘Doc. I’m not even going to call you Goatfather, just Doc. You disappointed your love. Quit now, don’t let him be disappointed further in heaven above.’

His extraordinarily calm expression met Doc’s rage at the mention of his love.

‘You’re not worthy of mentioning him. Don’t you-‘

‘So aren’t you.’ Etho was still calm. ‘If he was anything lovable, he wouldn’t want a massacre by his name. You are the one that isn’t worthy, Doc. Face it.’

Doc laughed with spite, but some part of his expression looked distorted with pain. ‘Saint Etho with his big talk about love. Not everyone is you, not everyone is a coward that bails away from revenge, right?’

‘I’m sorry that you still couldn’t tell the difference between revenge and massacre. Go revenge the ocean. Go revenge the storm. You told me that he drowned, right?’

Etho cleared his throat as Beef silently grabbed his dagger tighter, ready to pull Etho away the moment Doc loses it.

‘Massacring all the innocent people, call it revenge, that’s you, Doc. That’s you. That’s the real coward. You dare not to truly love, and you misuse the concept of it. I despise you.’

It was more than clear that the Goatfather was on the edge of losing control, but somehow he squeezed out a bright, polite smile.

‘Is that so. Well, Saint Etho, I’ll forgive you and everything you said, _by his name_. Leave, tell Alexandra to leave, and Beef and I will settle this. We’ll simplify this down to the beginning, with just me and him and Tugger. Deal?’

No process of thinking seemed to have crossed Etho’s mind before he moved one step forward, trying to shield Beef behind him.

‘I will die with him.’

‘I’m giving you the chance to leave. Go find some sorcerer or sorceress, you can still be healed from your weakness and have a life, stay away from my sight and I will not give you trouble.’

The Goatfather also took a step forward, the two facing each other two meters away, with a transparent shield of protection in between.

‘Don’t think that you still stand a chance against me, Etho. You might have been stronger than me, but your love for Beef and humanity destroyed you. How ironic.’

‘I will die with him.’

Beef didn’t have the courage to say anything at this point. He stood there stiffly in place, the only reflexes still functional were to push Etho out of the way when a light flashes and to never release the dagger.

‘Doc, you do not command me, and I do not repeat myself for more than three times. I will die with him.’

Etho turned around, his seemingly emotionless expression meeting the slightly terrified Sandy.

‘Alexandra. Go to Central Hermitmania, find a sorceress called Stress, tell her I thank her for everything she did for me, the lesson she taught me, the advice she gave me... and tell her I died in action and I didn’t regret it.’

With one wave of his hand the transparent shield shattered, glass-like shards collapsing onto the floor, then sublimating into nothing.

He turned back around, one arm trying to keep Beef behind him, one arm ready for attack.

‘You pass me first, and if you were to try to defeat me, you’ll do it fair and square. On the count of three. One, two, th-‘

He didn’t have the chance to finish counting.

The green beam of light flashed before he could finish counting, and Etho tumbled back, losing his balance, falling into Beef’s arms as Beef managed to catch him before he hit the ground.

Beef’s mind finally seemed to be functional again at that instant. Sandy already left, the guards were scared petrified, and he was all Etho had.

_I need to protect Etho._

The Goatfather watched silently, then bursted out a laughter so demonic it might as well be from Satan.

‘Beef, see, love destroys things. He died for you. He died. You killed him.’

His laughters circled the arches of the church.

‘He died, Beef. Etho died. You can’t save him. Now beg me to spare you even though I won’t.’

Beef had no idea what he was feeling. Extreme pain and extreme anger blended together and formed absolute numbness, but out of that numbness came power, power of revenge, and he knew who to channel the wrath to.

_He never played it fair and square, therefore I don’t have to. But for Etho. For us to not be the villains but the heroes._

He gently settled Etho on the now empty throne, as if he were just too tired and fell asleep, not gone from this world forever.

The terrifyingly calm lights that once belonged in Etho’s eyes now in his, bright, sharp, strong. He tossed the dagger behind him, and faced the Goatfather, fearless.

Who was to say he never thought about dying for Etho.

‘We do this fair and square. On the count of three.’

He focused the feeling of power to his fingertips, following what his instincts were telling him.

_This could go wrong terribly, but if I die, I died like a hero. I reunite with Etho. That’s all._

‘One.’

‘Two.’

‘Three.’

He followed his words, and so did the Goatfather. The green beam of deathly glow fired at him, but at the same time, an equally bright, equally deathly beam of golden light fired back, the two meeting in the middle, light droplets splashing everywhere.

And, as far as he could see, the golden light prevailed, inching closer and closer to the Goatfather, despite the efforts made on the other side to force it back towards him.

He didn’t know what was he doing, or how was he doing it, he didn’t know where that instinct or power came from, but it was strong.

Fear finally flashed in the Goatfather’s eyes again. If Etho were alive, he’d know it as the fear when the Goatfather first met him. Intrinsic, primitive fear of a stronger power.

But in no time, the fear turned to a more demonic laughter, as the Goatfather finally gave up.

‘Of course. Of course you were a dormant Perditrix, of course Etho was the one you loved the most, of course your power awakened by his death. I did not think of that.’

The laughter felt more like a weapon than the green beam of death, every mention of Etho a knife on Beef’s heart.

‘I lost. Fair and square. Your stupid love defeated me. But I won too, Beef, love defeated me but I defeated love, have fun living, have fun living without Etho while I head to hell and end my own pain, this is still a tragedy...’

Anger. Pain. Grief. Love. Revenge. Enlightenment.

It finally exploded, the point where the light beams met, as it reached the tips of the Goatfather’s finger.

After the sound of a deafening explosion, silence.

And the sounds of tears dripping onto the floor.

He won. They lost.


	33. Epilogue

Beef. Or rather, the Llamadad. _The_ superpower, more powerful than the Goatfather or the Ice King from vague, fictional-sounding tales. People feared and respected him, young kids dreamed to become like him, criminals avoided him.

Llamadad. The undefeatable Llamadad.

The only weakness - and only Beef himself knew this - the only weakness of the Llamadad was that when night time came, when everyone enjoyed the beautiful, romantic starry sky, all he could feel was pain.

There was no parallel universes with happily-ever-afters. Such a thing never existed. There were just expired dreams, expired dreams burning away into ashes, then into nothing.

_Etho, I’m finally strong enough to protect you._

_Come back._

_Revive my star of expired dreams._

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Half in the present, half left behind.' - Prologue
> 
> I have warned you all


	34. Author's Notes

I know you want my kneecaps right now. You guys can share them after my demise, which should be within the next a hundred years.

But anyway thanks for finishing this very long and poorly written book :) I appreciate all the supports y’all left on this loooong journey xD

(man it’s hard to write in your third language ain’t it-

So I think I’m done with writing in English for the next lifetime or so. But I would prefer for you guys’ wrath to calm down and not steal my kneecaps nor life nor soul and for this ship to have a continuous flow of content...

And therefore I may or may not have started a new fluffy, real life college au, no-deaths-and-happy-ending Beef x Etho book already.

And I may or may not have the first chapter out already.

For now if you want to find more Beef x Etho content, here’s a few things you can check out:

 _Remember Me When You’re Famous_ by Gatorade_Blade

 _3020_ by Elle_est_vivant (self advert time yay-)

Some Hermitcraft/Mindcrack oneshot books maybe there’s content

and _On_ by Elle_est_vivant.

(I hope there’s hype here-)

Now for a meta moment.

We all know writers love to incorporate themselves into one of their characters. I’m no different.

Guess who I am.

Not Etho. Nor Beef. Nor Stress, Sandy, nor even Matilda.

...

Thank you for watching my play, dear audience.

And the play within my play.

I’m glad to hear that you suffered.

(No but ofc I love you all <3)

I just love tragedies, especially writing them. Yes admittedly it is because the heroic and emotional aspects of it conceal how terrible I am at writing, but there is just something grand and beautiful about sacrifices, responsibilities and deaths in literature.

Especially death bound with rebirth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I write my fanfics listening to danse macabre and faure


	35. B612 [bonus]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised that a lot of you were actually not expecting this book to end like this. Most fanfics has a happy ending and a proper resolution, and, well, even though the ending is set in stone and I won't ever change it, here's a bonus oneshot.

Summer really is hot at the resort. Beef is more than used to it, he absolutely prefers the warmth over the freezing few months he spent in the north. 

Etho, on the other hand, doesn’t like the overwhelming heat. He can’t understand how did Beef stand it, let alone enjoy it, and he spends arguably too much time in the pool, with tree shades above and cool water within.

He emerges from the pool, shaking his head, his hair weighted down by water, splashing everything around him with water droplets.

The setting sun leaks down from the palm tree leaves, golden flakes, broken by Etho’s existence and motion. The breeze is warm; cool on his wet skin, but comfortable.

He hears some music faintly playing in the resort. Within moments, all the lights lit up, the warm lights enhancing the warm dusk. He gets out, wraps the towel on himself and walks back towards the resort. 

Beef always remembers to leave fresh towels on the beach chairs whenever he tells him he’s going for a swim. Sometimes Beef also brings punch, or opened coconuts, or whatever. Not today. They bickered today, and although Beef loves him, there is no way Beef’s still bringing him drinks.

He did still bring the towel regardless, and this thought warms Etho’s heart.

Beef is standing on the balcony outside their bedroom on the second floor, appreciating the sunset when Etho soundlessly walks towards him and wraps his arms around his waist, still wearing his swimming shorts and a loose oversize T-shirt from Beef.

‘You still in the ‘I hate you’ phase of the argument?’

Beef tries to sound mockingly serious and not feeling suddenly very soft at all.

‘Yeah.’

‘Aww too bad I’m past it. I love you too.’

Beef struggles to turn around, his back leaning on the railings, Etho still against him.

The sun is almost gone from the horizon now. Stars are becoming visible, a few very bright ones like diamonds, a lot of less bright ones like diamond dusts. The lights from indoors overpowered the almost invisible sun, giving Beef’s face a warm glow when Etho looks up.

The fond smile, the blue eyes, the flickery shadows casted on his face, everything about him. 

There is an ineffable feeling in Etho’s heart, like a little flame that he couldn’t control, a little whirlpool of golden sunlights broken on a water surface.

Of course Beef can’t stay mad at him for longer than five minutes. He knows this, and he’s going to use it to his advantage all the time. He closes his eyes as Beef plants a little kiss on his forehead, not minding his still damp hair.

A satisfied smile flashed on Etho’s lips before releasing Beef, finding his hand and letting him hold his own, fingers intertwined.

‘Beef, there’s a shooting star. Right there.’

Beef looks up at where he’s pointing, just in time to catch the streak of light dissipate in the velvety sky.

‘What would you say are stars made of, Beef?’

‘Rocks and dirt and sometimes atmosphere.’

‘No, imagine. Not what they’re actually made of, but in your world, what are stars.’

Beef gives this abrupt question a thought.

‘Parallel universes, where different versions of people live different lives. We’re just a Beef and an Etho out of millions of Beefs and Ethos.’

There’s visible affection glowing in his eyes, exceptionally bright under the night sky.

‘And I think I happen to be in the best one.’


End file.
